New Beginnings
by whitedove03
Summary: This is an AU Jolie Fic. Natalie is on the run from an abusive husband and John is there to help her start over. NC17
1. Chapter 1

A/N. I do not own these characters. ABC does.

This is an AU fic. Cris was supposedly killed int the FBI sting but it wasn't John that was the FBI Agent. Cris came back just like before but again no John. The story picks up after Cris comes back.

Natalie sat in her new apartment looking in the mirror at her recently acquired bruises. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine her life would have turned out this way. How could he do this to her. She had thought he loved her. But people that love you don't hit. He had found her this last time. But if there was one thing she was it was resourceful and she had gotten away.

Natalie got up and started to get ready for work. She wasn't a stranger to working in bars. Back in Llanview she worked in them all the time. She liked meeting new people and she was comfortable behind the bar. She had seen people with bruises like her come in to bury their pain in the bottle. She refused to do that. She had already run away, something she had refused to do before.

He husband had been so sweet before he had come back. Now he was angry and abusive. The first time he had hit her she had excused it. After all he had been tortured for a year on that ship and she had surprised him after all. The second time, she had woken him up and he just lashed out at her. He had said it was her fault for startling him but he was sorry. He was always sorry. She had started to believe him. Maybe it had been her fault. After all she had changed so much since he had been gone.

With a sigh Natalie finished getting ready and went to work. She could always loose herself in her work. Especially on a busy Saturday night like tonight. If only that worked as well when she wasn't at work. She wanted to look into getting a different job but then he would find her. If it was just him she wouldn't be worried but he had the Santi's out there looking for her too. Changing her name had thrown them off her scent for a little while at least but she knew she would have to leave again soon. This was the third bar in the third town since leaving Llanview 6 months ago.

"Hi, Natasha." Pam, he co worker said, startling out of her thoughts.

"Hi," Natalie said pulling her sleeves down to cover the bruises. She didn't want Pam to see them. She didn't want anyone to know that she had failed so bad in pleasing the only man she had ever loved.

"What's wrong with you arm?" Pam asked, noticing that Natalie had been rubbing unconsciously. She always wondered why Natasha was so aloft with everyone. Natasha was friendly but never let anyone too close. She never went out or had any fun at all.

"Nothing. I just bumped it on my dresser moving furniture around." Natalie said with a shrug, wincing when the movement hurt her shoulder, getting right to work.

After that Pam let it go. If she didn't want to talk that was fine with her. She had enough problems to deal with.

Natalie was rinsing out some beer glasses when someone asked, "can I get a beer?"

Without looking up she said, "sure what kind?" As she set his beer in front of him she looked up and caught her breath. He had to be one of the best looking guys that she had ever seen.

John McBain was having a bad day. First his perp had gotten away then he had gotten yelled at by his boss. All he wanted right now was a beer and a game of pool. As he sat waiting for the pretty red head behind the bar to notice him he admired her figure. Wow she was a hot one that was for sure.

When he realized that she wasn't going to notice him anytime soon he spoke up asking for a beer. When she spoke he was mesmerized. Her voice was very pleasant but it was the way she said her words that captivated him. She has some Jersey inflections with a little Pennsylvania accent mixed in. It was very interesting.

He had heard the Pennsylvania accent in Llanview when he had been there investigating the Santi's for the FBI. Now he was back in AC on a different case. He almost wished he had taken Bo up on that offer for a job. The FBI was starting to loose its appeal. He had immersed him self in it after Caitlyn had died but that had been 6 years ago. He needed to move on with his life, as his brother was always telling him.

He looked up at the woman's face and almost whistled. She was gorgeous. Their eyes caught and held. Something electric passed between them, she looked as shocked as he felt, before she shuttered her gaze and put her mask back in place.

"Anything else?" Natalie asked, feeling very uncomfortable with the way this man looking at her.

"How about your name?" John said in a flirty manor.

"How about you order something else or leave me alone." Natalie said abruptly.

John frowned at her tone. Obviously she wasn't a real friendly one. But there was something about her. Something he couldn't explain. He needed to get to know her better.

"Fine, If I order a burger will you tell me your name?" John asked slightly less flirty. He wanted to get to know her not spook her.

Natalie turned slightly so he could see her name tag.

"Natasha, hmmm, beautiful name." Sticking out his hand he said, "I'm John McBain."

When he stuck out his hand Natalie flinched and backed up a bit before reaching out and shaking his hand. "Natasha, now do you want that burger."

John frowned when she flinched and took a step back like she expected him to hit her. Someone had obviously been hitting this beautiful woman. This made him want to find the SOB and teach him a thing or two about how to treat a woman. He jolted when their hands touched. The force of his reaction to her skin against his palm was surprising. He hadn't felt this way since Caitlyn.

Shocked at his thoughts and his reaction he pulled his hand away and finished his beer. He ordered his burger and settled down at a table where he had a clear view of Natasha. He finished his burger quickly and then sipped at his beer watching her move around. After about 10 minutes of just watching her he excused himself and left the bar planing to come back tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

As he left Natalie watched him go. She was confused about her feelings for him. When she had touched his hand she had felt the sensations all the way up her arm. She didn't want to be attracted to this man. Men were something she had swore off months ago.

She couldn't afford to be attracted to anyone. After what had happened with Cris she wasn't sure she would ever trust a man again. He was the one man who was supposed to protect her and love her and she had failed him. She loved him for so long and then he came back to he and it just wasn't the same. He acted like a completely different person. Refusing to see a therapist or any kind of help at all for all he had been through. He just said that she was all he needed. Apparently he had lied about that too since he had been cheating on her with Ginger.

"Wow," Pam said, breaking into Natalie's thoughts for the second time that night, "He was hot."

Natalie just shrugged. John was good looking but then so was Cris and look how that turned out.

"He was into you Natasha. Did you get his name?" Pam wanted to know. The other 2 girls working that night listened in too. They had both seen John and wanted to know who he was.

"His name is John McBain." Natalie said turning around to face Pam, "and he wasn't interested in me, he was just being nice."

Pam nodded but said, "oh he was into you honey. If he could have eaten you up with his eyes he would have. And you just ignored him. What's up with that?"

Now all eyes were on Natalie. She shrugged again and said, "ok he might have been interested but I'm not. I have had enough men in my life to last a life time."

Pam wondered at Natasha's cynicism. Pam figured Natasha had a bad experience at some point that soured her on men. But someone who looked that good was never alone for long. Besides Natasha was a nice person with the looks to match and couldn't help but attract male attention. She would get over her aversion to men. He long red hair and clear blue eyes attracted men like flies. Though they were put off by her icy demeanor that didn't stop them from hitting on her.

"Well, If you don't want that gorgeous man I'll definitely take him." One of the other girls, Sandra, said.

Natalie looked at her and said, "take him he's all yours." But inside Natalie was bothered by her statement. There was just something about John that drew her. He seemed so nice and sincere. But Natalie knew it could be an act. Hadn't Cris seemed better at first? Then came the controlling behavior and then finally the hitting. Men couldn't be trusted no matter how nice they seemed at first. She could survive on her own. After all she had been doing it her whole life anyway.

The girls talked a while longer and then it was time for Natalie to leave. Never had she been so happy to get out of there. After only 2 weeks it felt like she had been working there forever. The girls she worked with were nice and all but Natalie preferred her privacy. They tended to be very nosey here. With a shouted Bye to her co workers Natalie left to go back to her dinky apartment.

John went home to his empty apartment thinking of Natasha. She seemed familiar to him. He knew they had never met but there was something about her that seemed very familiar. He thought about her shiny red hair and her full pink lips and smiled. She was a looker all right. Her eyes were what haunted him though. She had looked at him like she could see in to his very soul and that both bothered and intrigued him.

He had tried so hard to stay uninvolved. An occasional one night stand was all he allowed himself any more. But he knew Natasha was different somehow. He knew if he got close to her she wouldn't be just another fling. But there was something about her… he wanted to know more about her. By the way she reacted when he went to shake her hand someone had smacked her around. Being in the FBI he had seen more then his fair share of abuse victims and though she flinched when he reached for her hand she didn't act like a victim.

He could tell by looking at her she was strong. She didn't let much tear her down. He was definitely interested in her. She might be the one person that could chase away the darkness in his soul. The nightmares that haunted his sleep.

John shook his head as if to clear it. What the hell was he thinking. He had just met the woman and clearly she wasn't interested. Grimacing to himself he headed for the shower to wash off the stink of another day rounding up scum.

How could he be thinking of her this way. He didn't open up, he wasn't one to believe in soul mates. Shaking his head again smiled to himself. She was special though. As much as he told himself not to, he knew he would go back to that bar tomorrow. Maybe he could even get her to play a little pool with him. If she didn't know how to play he could certainly teach her. He thought with a even wider grin.

With that thought in mind John slipped into bed feeling better about his day and life in general then he had in a long time.

Natalie walked into her apartment still wondering about John McBain. Why was he still on her mind she wondered. She knew even if she could trust again it wouldn't be some random guy she met at work. She sighed and went to call Jessica. She could help her out with this. Jess had been there through all of what happened with Cris.

Her twin saved her life and Natalie would always be forever grateful. If it weren't for Jessica Natalie would still be with Cris letting him beat her down. But Jess had made her see that what Cris was doing was abuse. Natalie still believed that if she had been a better wife Cris wouldn't have had to punish her but Natalie also know she couldn't stay. It wasn't fair to either of them. With out her there to push his buttons Cris could go back to being the sweet man he had been before.

Dialing the phone Natalie waited for Jessica to pick up. She was using an untraceable prepaid phone in case Cris was tracking Jessica's phone calls. She knew If Cris found her he would kill her this time.

"Hello?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Hi, Jess" Natalie said, happy to hear Jess's voice. She hadn't talked to Jessica since the day that she left town 6 months ago.

_Flashback_

"_Natalie," Jessica called softly from inside the emergency room as she saw her twin sitting on a hospital gurney. Natalie had called her for a ride home asking her not to tell anyone. "What happened to you?"_

"_I fell down the stairs," Natalie said lamely. She knew Jessica wouldn't buy that explanation. "Really I'm fine. Just some bumps and bruises."_

_Jessica looked Natalie over and saw that there were a lot of bruises on her and some looked old. "Natalie, come on. I know you. You don't fall down stairs. Who did this to you?" _

_Natalie looked down and mumbled, "Cris." _

"_Cris!" Jessica yelled. "Cris did this to you?" Jessica was furious. How could Cris do this to Natalie? Natalie loved him! "I'll call Bo and have him arrested!"_

"_NO!" Natalie said loudly. "It wasn't his fault. I made him angry. I need to be more careful. He's already been through so much. I just need to be a better wife."_

"_Natalie, Listen to your self. Cris beat you up and you are saying its your fault!" Jessica said urgently. "Your sitting in the hospital because your husband put you here!"_

"_It's not his fault. He has been having nightmares about that ship. He has been stressed out lately. Remember they tortured him. He is still jumpy from all that. Sometimes I forget and do something that sets him off. Its not his fault. I just have to remember what sets him off and we will be fine." Natalie said desperately. She just needed to try harder to please him. Cris loved her. She knew he did. He survived that awful ship and came back to her. She just had to be more careful about what she said in the future._

"_Has he gone to counseling?" Jessica asked in disgust._

"_No. Cris says that I'm all he needs. I just have to try harder to help him." Natalie said. _

_Jessica pulled up a chair across from Natalie and took her hands in hers. "Natalie, how long has this been going on? How long has Cris been hitting you?"_

_Natalie looked at Jessica beginning to get angry. "Jess I called you for a ride home. Not a lecture on my marriage. I can handle my self. I just need to be more sensitive to what Cris needs. He wants me to quit my job and I am gonna. I need to spend more time with him. He will get better. I just know he will. Once he gets used to being back he will be back to his old self again. I just know it." Natalie ended desperately. Cris had to be ok. He was her life, her love. It wasn't his fault that she sometimes did the wrong thing._

"_Natalie he has been back for 6 months. How much longer does he need? He is hitting you, Natalie! God, He put you in the hospital! How much are you going to take before you realize that he isn't the same man that you married?"_

"_I love him Jess. And he loves me. I have to believe that everything will work out." Natalie said desperately. "He loves me, he survived that ship for me. What other proof do you need?"_

_Jess went to the bathroom and grabbed a mirror and held it in front of Natalie's face. "Look! Look at what he did to you. He hit you. He beat you up. That's not love Natalie. If Cris loved you he couldn't do this to you!"_

_Natalie stared at the mirror. At her face that was covered in bruises. She looked at her arms and legs that were also very bruised. She just stared at them. Finally she looked up at Jessica with tears in her eyes and started sobbing._

_Jessica reached over and took Natalie in her arms and just held her as she cried. Finally after 30 minutes Natalie straightened up. "Jess, what am I gonna do?"_

"_First we are gonna call Uncle Bo and have him arrest Cris." Jessica said._

"_No!" Natalie said desperately. I can't do that. Cris would go crazy in prison."_

"_Natalie," Jessica sighed, "He beat you up he needs to pay."_

"_No," Natalie said firmly, "You can't tell anyone! I don't want anyone to know."_

_Seeing that Natalie wasn't gonna budge on that issue Jessica said, "Ok. For now anyway. But if he goes near you again I will personally go after him." Jessica thought a minute then said, "You need to leave him Natalie. At least till he gets himself some professional help."_

_Natalie nodded sadly, "I know. I will, I promise. But what if he won't let me go?"_

_Jessica was about to answer when Cris himself walked in. "Natalie, lets go. I want to get home and the doctors say you can go home now."_

_Jessica jumped up and got in Cris's face, "She's not going anywhere with you! Natalie is going home with me. You ever touch my sister again and It will be the last thing you ever do."_

_Cris's eyes narrowed and he said menacingly, "Natalie is my wife and no one will ever take her from me! Not you! Not anyone! Anyone who tries will have to deal with me!"_

_Jessica looked at him with hate in her eyes, "Oh please. You touch me and I'll scream bloody murder. Then the cops will be called. Natalie is coming with me." Reaching out and taking Natalie's hand she pulled Natalie out of the room. _

"_No one leaves me!" Cris yelled to Natalie's retreating back. "I'll make you pay!"_


	4. Chapter 4

"Natalie!" Jessica squealed with joy. She had missed Natalie so much but knew that if Natalie came back he would be in danger. Cris was really angry she left. Jess feared what he might do.

"Jess," Natalie said again smiling. "How are you, How is Mom?" Vicki had a heart problem and Natalie always worried about her.

"Mom's fine. She is doing so much better. I'm good. Antonio and I broke up but its on. I think it's for the best."

"You and Antonio broke up? Why?" Natalie asked, sad for Jess. She had really loved Antonio.

"He couldn't accept the fact that I hate Cris. He doesn't believe that Cris is abusive and that he is working with the Santi's. It's ok though. It happened 3 months ago. I meet someone new. His name is Nash. He is a great guy."

Natalie smiled, happy for her sister. "Actually that's what I am calling you. I kinda met someone. I'm not sure what to do about it. Or even if I will ever see him again." She said confused.

"Oh Nat, you met someone? What's his name? And what do you mean you don't know if you will ever see him again?"

Natalie sighed, "I just met him today. He flirted with me at the bar. I blew him off but I don't know Jess, there was something about him. It's like he could look right into me and know what I was thinking."

"You just met him today and you are this worked up about him? So what's his name. What does he look like?"

"His name is John McBain. He has blue eyes, dark.."

"John McBain?" Jessica said incredulously. "I know him. Longish dark brown hair? 6'2"? Looks great in a pair of jeans?"

"Yes." Natalie said in shock that Jess knew him. "How do you know him?"

"He is an FBI agent. He was here a while back, right after you left town, looking into the Santi's. Uncle Bo offered him a job but he turned it down. His brother is a doctor at the hospital. John is a great guy. He isn't very open though, doesn't talk much. Something happened a long time ago that really hurt him. I don't know what he wouldn't talk about it." Jessica said, amazed that he was there where ever Natalie was. "Oh yeah he plays pool. Maybe you could challenge him to a game if he comes back. And guess what?"

"What?" Natalie said, her head reeling with all this information.

"He grew up in AC too. Maybe if you see him again you can talk to him about AC." Jessica went on happy that Natalie had found a nice guy that she seemed to be into. Jessica didn't want Natalie to be alone for ever. "Just be careful Natalie. I know you are still dealing with what happened with Cris. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to."

"Oh Jess, I don't know what I want to do anymore." Natalie paused and then said, "2 weeks ago Cris found me. He did a real number on me. I got away."

"Oh no!" Jessica cried, forgetting about John completely. "Are you ok? How did you get away?"

"He was waiting for me at my apartment. Oh Jess he was like his old self again. He was so sweet, so apologetic. Jess I believed him." Natalie sighed heavily before continuing, "But when I refused to sleep with him he got mad and started hitting me again. He hit me till I passed out. I guess he figured that I was out for the night and he fell asleep. Well I woke up and saw him sleeping so I just ran. I didn't take anything with me. I just took off," Natalie said. "I did take his wallet though. He had 3000 dollars in it. Jess where would he get that kind of money?"

Jessica was extremely upset. "Natalie you have got to go to the police! Next time Cris might kill you!"

Natalie sighed again before saying, "I know Jess. I'm afraid. What if he hurts you or someone else I care about to get back at me. So far he has left you guys alone. I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me."

"I know your scared, Natalie, but he would be in jail. He couldn't hurt anyone there." Jessica said encouragingly.

"I filed for divorce this morning. Lets see how that goes first. Ok? I don't want to put anyone at risk if I can solve this problem on my own. Maybe he is only trying to find me because I am still his wife. If I'm no longer his wife maybe he can find someone who makes him happy and gives him all he needs so he won't have to be upset all the time." Natalie said hopefully.

She was still very sad that it hadn't worked with Cris. She had loved him with all her heart. She knew she would never find love like that again. In her heart Natalie still believed that she had failed Cris and that it was her fault he was like this.

"You filed for divorce?" Jessica asked, happy that Natalie had taken the next step. But hearing the rest of what she said Jessica could tell Natalie still blamed herself for Cris's behavior. "Natalie its not your fault Cris is acting like this. He is a bastard. He isn't the same man that you married."

Natalie sighed, "I know, Jess. Look I'm tired. I am gonna go to be now. I'll call you again in a couple of weeks."

"Ok, Bye Natalie. Just think about what I said. Ok?"

"I will Jess, bye." Natalie said hanging up the phone. Jess had given her something to think about. Maybe it wasn't her fault about Cris. But if it wasn't her fault then that meant that Cris didn't love her. That he was hitting her for no reason. If Cris didn't love her and he was hitting her because he liked hitting what did that say about her. About her judgment?

Natalie sighed again. She seemed to be doing a lot of sighing lately, Natalie thought absently as she got ready for bed. When was her life going to be her own again? She had to make some choices about how she was going to live the rest of her life.

Still thinking about her conversation with Jessica, Natalie fell into a troubled sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

The next 3 weeks took on a routine for John. He went to work, he was still stuck in the office doing paper work, then he went to Marty's, the bar where Natasha worked. Every time he saw her his heart sped up a little and he felt like smiling. She was a breath of fresh air. She had warmed up to him very slowly.

It took a week for her to even speak a sentence to him with out snapping at him. John thought ruefully. He had tried to charm her but every time he flirted with her she clamed up and froze him out. It was only when he stopped flirting and just simply talked to her that she finally had a conversation with him. It took another week for her to smile at him, it had been the tiniest of smiles but it had been like a the sun had come out on a cloudy day.

The crazy thing was that he enjoyed her company even when she was snapping at him and giving him icy looks. She had a presence about her that just intrigued him. She was a mixture of boldness, shyness, anger, sadness, compassion and fear. Every time he saw her he wasn't sure which it would be.

Again he thought of her reactions whenever he came near. She didn't like for him to get too close. When he got to close she would back off in a hurry looking a little afraid. He also wondered at her reaction at people coming into the bar. Every time a male customer came in she would watch them like she was expecting them to recognize her. He wondered if she was hiding from someone.

"Hi, John" Natalie said with a smile. She had really come to like John McBain. He had been coming in every day for 3 weeks. She knew it was just to see her and that both flattered and bothered her.

"Hey," John said in his usual husky voice that sent chills down Natalie's back. He had just about the sexiest voice she had ever heard.

"The usual?" She asked, as had been their routine. He usually stuck around and they chatted about the weather or his recent cases. He couldn't talk about his current ones and Natalie understood. After all her Uncle Bo was a cop so she knew all about confidentiality.

John nodded admiring how she filled out her shirt. Even though he had stopped flirting with her he still found her very attractive. "So are you going to play some pool with me today?" John asked expecting her to refuse. As she had every other time, he had asked her to play and she always replied that she didn't play. "You know I could teach you how to play."

"You know what," Natalie said with a secret smile, "I think I will let you teach me how to play."

John almost choked on his beer. "Really! Ok, lets go." He said quickly not wanting to give her time to change her mind.

Natalie was just as shocked as he was by her answer. She had been all set to say no but the words just popped out and she couldn't take them back. Plus it kind of irritated her that he assumed that just because she didn't play that she couldn't.

"Right now?" She asked, surprised that he had already jumped up and was waiting for her to join him.

"Yeah. I don't want you to change your mind." He said honestly.

"Ok. Just let me tell Pam I'm taking my break." Natalie said turning around and calling to Pam that she was taking her supper break. Turning back to John Natalie said, "Ok show me how to play pool," hiding a smile.

John smiled at her happy that he was making progress. He knew that she had just let him in a little and it made him happier then he had been in a long time. Natasha was becoming a very important person in his life. He was starting to think maybe he was falling in lo... NO! he couldn't think that way! Caitlyn was it for him. He couldn't risk that pain again. But.. there was something about Natasha that he couldn't seem to stay away from. Shaking the thought from his head he led the way to the pool table and racked up the balls.

Natalie followed John to the pool table. She was amazed that he actually kept coming back to the bar to see her. She had treated him coldly for a solid week but it hadn't put him off like it did everyone else. She didn't want to be but she was happy that he had kept coming back. She really liked John, his dry sense of humor and his sometimes confusing demeanor were the bright spots in her day.

A part of her felt like she was betraying Cris because she liked John so much. After all they were still married, as he hadn't signed the divorce papers yet. After talking to her lawyer she had started the proceedings where she didn't need his consent to divorce him. But that took time. This was so hard, there was a part of her that still loved him.

Since talking to Jess about the situation she had come to realize that this wasn't her Cris. The Cris she married wouldn't do this to her. Natalie was actually surprised that he hadn't found her yet. But then he probably wouldn't suspect her to go back to Atlantic City. He probably thought that she would go somewhere new, somewhere he didn't know about.

Looking down at the pool table Natalie felt a little guilty. Pool is what started this whole mess. It was what had changed her life. If she had never play in that pool tournament Cris wouldn't have 'died' and he wouldn't have been tortured. He would still be the same loving man that she married. But she still loved the game. She hadn't played since the tournament so this was a big deal even if John didn't know that.

John noticing that Natasha was lost in thought said, "Hey, you still want to learn how to play?"

Natalie grinned to her self before answering, "yup. I want you to show me what you know." Taking her cue she said, "Now what?"

John grinned at her enthusiasm. She was like a different person. He liked this grinning impish Natasha. "I'm gonna have to touch you to position you, so don't get freaked out, Ok?" Natalie nodded and he proceeded to show her how to hold the cue and how to line up her shot.

Touching her a bit more then necessary to get her into position.

After a few minutes of him showing her how to break, he was getting 2 or 3 balls in at each break, she said smartly, "ok I can do that. I think I got it now."

John grinned at her tone while saying, "Don't get cocky now. It took me a long time to learn how to do that."

Natalie ducked her head and smiled to her self. Getting into position she prepared to break. Lining up, she made her shot. It was perfect. 5 balls want into the pockets. Natalie turned around and gave John a huge smile, John's mouth had fallen open. Winking at him she said, "just because I don't play don't mean I can't."

At that John looked at her then threw his head back and laughed. "Your something else kid. You know that?" Laughing some more he watched as she cleared the table with out much effort at all.


	6. Chapter 6

After that first pool lesson John and Natalie played every day for a week. Natalie was starting to trust John. She stopped flinching every time he came to close and had even hugged him on one occasion. He had just made a very difficult shot and, caught up in the excitement of the moment, she had impulsively hugged him. She had jumped back quickly but the damage had been done. She knew what it felt like to have his arms around her and to Natalie's irritation she liked it entirely too much.

Right now John was staring at a paper trying to figure out what it meant. There were a list of chemicals on it he didn't know what were. Putting it aside he made a mental note to consult the lab to ask them what they were. He was startled when Natasha picked up the paper and began studying it.

"What's this?" she asked.

"It's a list of chemicals I need to know more about." John said reaching for the list. He stopped short when she spoke.

"It's the ingredients in make up," she said handing back the paper.

Surprised John looked at her, "Excuse me? You understand it? "

Looking down Natalie said, "Yeah, These are the ingredients in make up. These are the ingredients in lip blush specifically."

Looking at her in amazement John asked, "lip blush?"

"Yeah, color for your lips." Natalie said bring her hand to her lips touching them lightly.

John, followed the motion of her hand to her mouth. He stared at her mouth for a minute contemplating what it would be like to kiss her before forcing his thoughts back to the matter at hand. "How do you know that?"

"I used to work in a beauty salon," Natalie said shrugging, "long hours."

"Tell me something," John said excitedly, "would the color wash off leaving a chemical residue if it got wet, rained on?"

"I guess," Natalie said.

John jumped up from the table he was at heading toward a quiet part of the bar saying, "I have to make a call." Turning back he said, "You have no idea how much you just helped me out," then he went to a quiet spot to make his call leaving Natalie smiling shyly.

Natalie went to wait on other customers and, before she knew it, it was the end of her shift. John had left about 2 hours ago so Natalie was surprised when she turned around from putting her stuff away and saw him standing behind her.

"Hey," Natalie said shyly.

"Hey," John said just as shyly. He had no idea what he was doing back here. He had left but when he had gotten home he had wanted to see Natalie again so he had come back.

"What are you doing back here?" Natalie asked sternly but was secretly pleased that he had come back.

"I don't know exactly," John said. "I just can't seem to stay away from you."

Natalie shook her head confused, "What are you saying John?"

"I don't know. I just wasn't ready to go home so I thought maybe I would walk you home. It's not safe to walk alone at night." John said lamely. He just wanted to spend more time with her. John himself was confused by his feelings. He didn't know what to make of them. He had never felt this way before. Not even with Caitlyn, a fact that both excited him and scared him to death.

Natalie looked at him curiously. He had never offered to walk her home before. She was a little wary of his unexpected offer but in a sense he was right. It was dangerous for her to walk home. She worried Cris would find her. After all this time she expected him to be there. He usually had found her by now. It was driving her crazy, constantly looking for him. Expecting him to be there in her apartment when she got home. But still.. she didn't know if she should accept John's offer. "ok" she said then looked shocked. It had just slipped out.

John smiled, relieved that she said yes. "So ready to go?" She nodded and they headed for the door. As they walked John attempted to make small talk. After talking for about 10 minutes about nothing in particular John reached for her hand. Taking it in his as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Natalie jumped when John took her hand and started to pull away. She stopped walking abruptly, yanking her hand out of his. "Why did you do that?"

John looked down at his feet then back up again. Looking straight into her beautiful blue eyes he said, "I don't know. It just felt right." Looking down again he said, "I..I.. I really like you Natasha."

Natalie looked at him in amazement. "John," she said softly and he looked up. Looking into his intense gaze Natalie slowly reached out her hand to him. When he brought his hand back up Natalie took hold of his hand intertwining their fingers and squeezing them lightly. "I like you to John."

John smiled widely at her and she gave a little tug at their hands to indicate that they should start walking again. When they reached Natalie's apartment John let go of her hand and looked at her. "Could I walk you home tomorrow night too?" John asked hoping she would agree.


	7. Chapter 7

"Before I answer that John there is something you need to know." Natalie said. She didn't feel right to lead him on when she was still a married woman.

John tensed up understanding that this was a serious matter that she needed to tell him. He nodded but didn't say anything.

Natalie looked around then sighed. Turning around to unlock the door she motioned for John to follow her into the apartment. "Please come in, I don't want to do this out here," she said. When John nodded she led the way into the apartment.

Turning on the lights as she went Natalie led him to the living room, where there was a couch and 2 chairs. Natalie took a seat and motioned for John to sit as well. He sat in the chair directly across from her and simply looked at her, waiting, as if knowing that she needed a minute to compose herself.

After a minute Natalie finally looked at John and said, "John, I can't get involved with you. I'm not free."

John looked at her more intensely and asked, "What do you mean by 'not free'?

"I mean I'm married." Natalie said shocking John. "I'm getting a divorce but right now I am still married." John looked relieved when she said that. "Besides which I'm just not ready to get involved with anyone right now. There are things going on that you don't know about and I don't know, I just don't know." Natalie said frustrated at how hard this was. "I don't want to lead you on. Its not fair to you."

John was silent for a minute. He was trying to think of the right thing to say. After another minute of silence John finally said, "Look Natasha I know that someone pushed you around. I know that you are afraid. I won't hurt you. I really like you. I do want more then friendship from you but if friends is all we can be then I can handle that." He paused for a full minute before saying, "Can we be friends? I won't ask for anything else until you tell me you are ready. I can wait."

Natalie was shocked at his speech. That was more then he had ever said about his feelings in the entire month that she had known him before. She was also shocked that he had guessed about the abuse. She had thought she hid it well. "I don't know if I will ever be ready John," she said softly.

"I understand." John said quietly. Even if friends was all they could be John knew he needed Natasha in his life. She brought light to his dark world and he needed that.

"Ok," Natalie said hesitantly, holding out her hand she said, "Friends."

John smiled, "friends." He shook her hand and asked, "so friend can I walk you home tomorrow?"

Natalie nodded and said smiling, "If you want to."

John looked at her and said, " I definitely want to. What time do you get off?"

Natalie told him and as they walked to the door she said, "thanks John."

"For what?" He asked

"For not pushing, for being my friend." Natalie said softly.

"I'll always be your friend, Natasha" John said.

"Natalie," she said.

"What?" John asked confused.

"My name. It's Natalie not Natasha. I changed it. My real name is Natalie."

"Natalie, it's a beautiful name. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman." John said swallowing back the questions that welled up in his throat. He wanted to ask her why she changed her name and who she was obviously running from. 'Natalie' he thought why did that name sound so familiar? He knew he had heard the name before. He just couldn't remember where.

"Just don't call me that at the bar," she said, "I need that job and they would fire me if they knew I lied about my name. I know that you have questions, being and FBI agent and all, but all I can say is that I am not running from the law. I just needed to disappear for a while."

John looked at her carefully trying to decide if she was lying. He didn't think she was, he could usually spot a liar so he decided that she was telling the truth. Realizing that she had trusted him with something huge he said, "I won't ask for more right now. But I hope you tell me everything in time."

Natalie sighed in relief. "Thank you John," was all she said as she showed him out the door.

John turned around after stepping out the door and said, "I'll see you tomorrow Natalie," saying 'Natalie' as if he were savoring it. Then he turned back around and started walking toward the bar, back to his car.

Natalie watched him go. She was still reeling at what she had told him. This was so unlike her. For some reason, unknown to her, she trusted him. Deep down inside her, in her soul, Natalie knew that she could trust John. That scared her more then anything else that had happened to her in the past year. After Cris she didn't think she could ever trust any man again. She didn't even trust her own judgment. After all she had thought Cris loved her. She had thought that Cris was the most wonderful man in the world. And look how that had turned out. Still there was something about John that spoke to her.

Natalie shut the door and went to her bedroom. Still deep in thought about her ever growing feelings for John McBain she knew she needed to talk to someone about it. She probably would have called Vicki but Natalie knew that she was in London getting a treatment for her heart. So as per the usual, whenever Vicki wasn't around, she called Jessica.


	8. Chapter 8

After talking to Jess Natalie felt much better. She missed Jess so much. She never really realized how much she had come to depend on seeing her family until she left. Though out of everyone she missed Jess and Rex the most.

She had talked to Rex once since she left town. He had been so worried about her. It had almost broke her heart to lie to him. She had said that she and Cris were on a trial separation and that she was ok. But Natalie knew if Rex found out what was really going on he would probably kill Cris. She didn't want her brother in jail because of her.

Feeling better about her decision to let John into her life Natalie went to bed. She stayed awake for a long time just thinking about John and how much she enjoyed their pool games and just simply talking to him. She did feel bad that she knew more about him, via Jessica, then he knew about her. But that wasn't going to stop her from being friends with him.

"Hey," John said breaking into her thoughts. Hoping for a game of pool he had stopped by the bar earlier then usual.

"Hey, John," Natalie said happily, glad to see him. "You're here early."

"Well I was hoping for a game. What do you say?" John asked hopefully. He loved to see her at the pool table. He had some hot fantasies of her and that table.

"Well I get off in 20 minutes. Want to wait?" Natalie asked.

"Sure. Can I get a burger and a beer?"

"Of course." Natalie said heading for the kitchen with his order. Coming back out Pam pulled her aside and said, "See I told you he had a thing for you."

"We're just friends, Pam." Natalie said for like the 100th time in the past 2 weeks.

"Yeah, sure." Pam said skeptically. Looking over at John then back at Natalie she grinned. "If you two are 'just friends' then I'm the Easter bunny." She said with a smirk.

Natalie looked at her and said dryly, "Ha, ha. Very funny." She came back with John's burger. "Here you go, John. Enjoy," She said with a smile.

John took a bite of his burger and sighed with pleasure. "Mmmmm… Now that's a burger."

John sipped his beer and ate his burger while waiting for Natalie to finish her shift. He didn't mind waiting. It gave him a chance to just look at her with out being noticed.

"Ok, John. Read to get your butt whipped?" Natalie asked.

John looked at her and grinned. "Any time sweetheart," he said flirting with her a little. "But maybe this time I will win."

Natalie looked at him with a little smirk, "yeah right, in your dreams buddy." She racked up the balls and looked at him again, "you want to break?"

"no you go a head." He said knowing If she broke that he probably wouldn't get a chance to play. But that was ok with him. It gave him a chance to look at her bending over the table setting up for her shot.

As Natalie bent over the table John came up behind her and leaned in close. Whispering in her ear, "want me to tell you what your doing wrong?"

Natalie shivered, his voice like a caress. "Tell me," she whispered back. Shifting a little, partly because she didn't like him that close and partly because she did, she looked up at him a little anxiously.

John moved even closer and was about to say something else when a male voice broke them apart. "Natty!"

Spinning out of John's grasp Natalie turned toward the voice she knew so well. "Rex!" She cried happily running into his arms.

John watched jealously. Clenching his jaw he wondered who this man was that Natalie, his Natalie, ran right to him. It had taken him 3 weeks to hold her hand for heaven sake!

"How did you find me?" Natalie asked excitedly. Rex was here! Oh, how she had missed him. "how are you, let me look at you! Are you getting enough sleep? You look tired."

Rex smiled as she bombarded him with questions. "I always knew you would come back to AC Natty. You love it here. I'm fine now that I know you are ok. Who's your friend?" He asked nodding to John, who stood there looking annoyed that Natalie had forgotten all about him with the arrival of this other man.

"Oh, Sorry!" Natalie said looking chastened. "John, This is my brother Rex. Rex this is John McBain."


	9. Chapter 9

Her Brother! That made John feel much better. He started to wonder why it mattered so much then decided that he didn't want to analyze his feelings that much. "Hello," John said, "It's nice to meet you."

Rex looked at Natalie and then at John. "Actually we have meet before," Rex said. John looked puzzled so Rex explained, "At the police station in Llanview. I was Helping Bo Buchanan out with a case."

At the mention of Bo Natalie asked, "Uncle Bo? How is he doing since Gabrielle?" not thinking.

John whipped his head around to Natalie as the pieces fell together. She was Natalie Buchanan! He had seen her picture on Bo's desk. That's why she had seemed so familiar to him!

Rex looked uncomfortable for a minute. He didn't know why Natalie had left Llanview, not the real reason anyway, and he knew Natalie was using a fake name. This all added up to her hiding so maybe the middle of a bar was not the right place to be talking.

He looked at Natalie again and said, "Maybe we should go someplace else for this."

Natalie looked around suddenly remembering where they were. She nodded in agreement. Looking at John she said softly, "Can we do this another time. I really need to speak to my brother alone."

John nodded, disappointed that he wasn't going to be included in the conversation. He wondered why a Buchanan would be running from anyone. And why Natalie grew up in AC when she had family in Pennsylvania. Also He remembered Rex now and his last name was Balsom. How was he Natalie's brother? But all these questions would have to wait until Natalie was ready to tell him.

As Natalie and Rex left John also gathered his things and left. No one noticing the man in the back of the bar watching the trio. The man took out his phone and made a call. "I found her, Boss. You were right Rex Balsom led me right to her. What do you want me to do?"

"Bring her to me!" Came the answer.

Natalie took Rex back to her place and they caught up on everything that had been going on in their lives. When Rex brought up Cris. Natalie tensed up dreading the conversation that was coming.

"Why did you leave Cris?" Rex asked though from what he had got out of Jessica he could guess.

"We just needed time apart. We aren't the same people as we were when we got married." Natalie said evasively. She didn't want to tell him that Cris hit her. She was ashamed that she had let it get that far. That She had failed Cris that much.

"Natty.. Don't give me that crap. I know you! I know that unless something was seriously wrong you would be trying to work it out and not hiding out. What happened?" Needing to hear her say it.

"I... I... He... ummm..." Natalie tried. Then sighed. She knew she would have to just tell him.

"Come on Natty, spill" Rex said in a way that only he could.

Natalie smiled faintly at that tone. Only her Rex could make her smile at a time like this.

Natalie looked at the floor ashamed to face Rex. "I did something that Cris didn't like and he hit me." Natalie said. "He didn't mean to. I push his buttons. It was my fault. If I had been more careful it wouldn't have happened."

Rex was enraged. He had thought that it was something like that but hearing Natalie say it made it real. "I'm gonna kill that bastard!" Rex said furiously.

"No! It wasn't his fault Rex! He didn't mean to. Besides he said he was sorry. He always does." Natalie said. "But I realized that we were just too different to stay married. I filed for divorce but he is fighting it. Once the divorce goes through I'll come back to Llanview and everything will be fine." Natalie said, desperately wanting to believe what she was saying, but deep down she knew nothing would ever be ok again.

"Your defending that bastard? My god Natalie he really did a number on you didn't he?" Rex said incredulously. Then he realized what she said. She had said 'he always does.' "He always says he is sorry? Natalie just how many times has he hit you?"

"Just once," Natalie lied.

"Natalie!" Rex said warningly, knowing she was lying.

Natalie looked up abruptly, tears streaming down her face. "Fine! You really want to know? I'll tell you. He hit me almost every day since he came back. Ok? You happy now? I couldn't make my husband happy and he hit me. Does that make you feel better? The last time he put me in the hospital! So instead of staying and helping my husband with his problems I ran away! I quit because I failed him." Natalie cried out, consumed with shame. Shame that she failed the man she had promised her life to.

"Oh, Natty." Rex said pulling Natalie in his arms and just simply held her as she cried. "I'm so sorry." Rubbing her back Rex held her. It shook him up to see what that bastard had done to his sister. She was the strongest person he knew. But that scum had beaten the confidence out of her as he had battered her body. He had taken Natalie's love and devotion and flushed it down the toilet.

Natalie held on to Rex tightly. His presence made the pain of failure easier to bare. Natalie cried for a few more minutes. As her sobs subsided Rex pulled back and looked at her.

"You're gonna be ok Natty. Your divorcing the son of a bitch but you need to have him arrested! I'll call Bo right now." Rex said taking out his phone.

Natalie grabbed the phone out of his hand and said, "NO!"

"You can't seriously be considering letting him get away with this are you?"


	10. Chapter 10

"No, you can't!" Natalie said again. "Cris is working for the Santi's now. He might hurt my family if I have him arrested." Natalie explained.

"Cris is working for the Santi's?" Rex almost shouted. Natalie flinched at the sudden outburst and Rex's expression quickly changed. "I'm sorry Nat. I didn't mean to startle you." Silently cursing Cris again for turning Natalie into someone who cringed at sudden loud voices.

"It's not you Rex. Its just that sometimes Cris would yell before he.." Natalie couldn't finish as she started to cry.

Rex pulled her to him again and held her as she cried. Neither hearing the soft footsteps behind them.

Natalie lay curled in Rex's embrace when all of a sudden she heard a thud. Rex went limp and toppled over. Natalie scrambled up looking around. "Rex! What happened" Seeing the man standing there behind Rex with a stick Natalie knew a sudden moment of paralyzing fear and then she got angry.

Seeing that Natalie was frozen in fear the man lowered the stick and rushed her. He had orders to take her alive. He never even saw the hatched Natalie had grabbed.

Natalie swung the hatchet at her attacker. She watched numbly as he ran straight into the blade as it came down hitting him in the neck. Blood sprayed from the wound and he fell to the ground screaming. Natalie just watched as if in a trance.

Natalie stared at the body of her attacker for a long time still holding the bloody hatchet. She felt like she was disconnected from the whole scene. It was like she was watching it play out from outside her body. The only thought in her mind had been that Rex was hurt. "Protect your self!" screaming in her brain. Natalie sank to the ground still staring at the body and holding the hatchet.

Rex began to stir. Opening up his eyes he groaned. What had happened? He sat up and a sharp agonizing pain stabbed his head. Natalie! He remembered. Some one had hit him in the head. "Natalie!" he called. Looking around he spotted her. She was partially visible next to the couch. She was sitting on the floor just staring at something, he couldn't see what.

Getting up gingerly he walked around the couch and almost threw up. Natalie was sitting in a pool of blood staring blankly at a dead man. Rex grabbed the phone and called the only person he knew there.

"Natalie?" John answered the phone, after having looked at the caller ID.

"John, its Rex. Get over to Natalie's right now." Rex said urgently.

"I'll be right there," John said hanging up. Not wasting time saying goodbye he raced to his car and sped over to Natalie's knowing in his gut that something terrible had happened.

As Rex waited for John he called an ambulance even though he knew that the man was dead. Natalie had not uttered a word so far. So traumatized by what had happened she was as still as death. Just staring blankly at the wall.

John arrived just as the ambulance left. His heart in his throat he raced up the steps and to Natalie's apartment door. He knocked loudly and rapidly and Rex opened the door. John went inside looking for Natalie. He spotted her next to a police officer. It looked like he was arresting her.

"What happened here, Rex?" John demanded. Looking around at the apartment he saw that huge stain of blood on the floor and the bloody hatchet in a plastic evidence bag on the table. "Is she ok?"

"I don't know John. She hasn't said a word since it happened." Rex said.

"Since what happened?" John asked confused, but also dreading the answer.

Looked at him, then touched the back of his head gingerly. "I was comforting Natalie when someone hit me in the head knocking me out. When I woke up Natalie was sitting on the floor covered in blood holding a bloody hatchet and some guy was on the floor dead."

"Oh my god!" John said. Rushing over to Natalie John flashed his badge saying, "back off. Can't you see she isn't in any condition to answer any questions?" Natalie just looked at John as if he weren't even there. "Natalie? Natalie? Can you hear me, Honey? It's me John." When she didn't react at all John began to worry. "Natalie!" John said louder and was relieved when she blinked and looked at him. This time there was recognition in her eyes.

Natalie blinked and looked at John. Sudden understanding at what had happened hit her. "Oh god" Natalie moaned and threw her self into John's arms. "I didn't mean to kill him, John. I swear I didn't!"

John wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. Murmuring into her hair it would be alright he rubbed her back. Suddenly Natalie shoved him away and looked around. "Rex!" She called.

"I'm right here Natty" Rex said, both relieved and puzzled. How had John been able to reach Natalie and he had not? He wasn't jealous but he was puzzled. Just who was John to Natalie? He found it hard to believe she would get involved with anyone when she was still married.

Natalie broke away from John and ran to Rex hugging him tight. "What happened Natalie?" Rex asked gently.

Natalie shuddered, "I saw him standing over Rex with a stick or something. He rushed me. I grabbed the first thing I laid my hands on and swung." Natalie said flatly. Trebling anew she continued. "there was so mush blood. I must have hit the jugular. There was blood all over." Looking over at Rex she said, "I thought you were dead and I just couldn't take it. I don't remember anything else." Everyone was silent as the absorbed what she had said. Natalie went back to John and he simply held her.

Suddenly the phone rang. No one bothered to answer it and the machine picked up. It was Jessica.

"Natalie, You need to get out of there as soon as you can. Cris knows where you are. He is very angry about this divorce. I'm not sure what he will do. Call me as soon as you get settled somewhere safe. I love you." That was the end of the message. Rex and Natalie just looked at each other stunned. Cris might have been behind this.

"Someone want to tell me what's going on?" John asked, both elated that Natalie was ok and angry that someone was obviously after her.


	11. Chapter 11

Rex looked at Natalie questioningly and she nodded. "I will but.." looking around at the people milling around the apartment, "not right now." Natalie answered.

John nodded his understanding then stepping away from Natalie he went to try to hurry the officers along.

"You can't stay here Natalie," Rex said. "Why don't you come back to Llanview where your family can protect you? They miss you, Natty."

"I can't Rex. Cris is there. There is no telling what he might do. He isn't going to forgive me for leaving him."

Rex shook his head. She was worried about Rex forgiving HER? Where had his Natty gone? He sighed it would take a long time to undo the damage that bastard had done to her. She had been force to kill someone to stay alive. It would haunt her for a long, long time.

"Ok, I get that, but you can't stay HERE." Rex said emphasizing the word here. "Cris knows where you are, he will try again, Natty."

John who had come up behind Rex was nodding in agreement. "He is right Natalie. You can't stay here. It's a crime scene now, besides its not safe. This 'Cris', if he is responsible for what happened tonight, knows where you are. You need someone to protect you."

Natalie sighed. "I understand what you are saying but I can take care of my self. Besides I don't have anywhere else to go. I didn't exactly make a lot of friends here. I was trying to avoid people."

John thought a minute, "you can stay with me. I have some vacation coming so I could take some time off."

Natalie smiled but said, "that's really nice of you but I couldn't ask you to do that."

John shook his head, "you didn't ask, I offered. That's what friends are for, right?"

"That's a great idea!" Rex said. "If you need protection what better person then a FBI agent." Seeing that she was going to refuse again Rex pulled out the big guns, "Do it for me Natalie? I would feel a lot better if you had someone looking out for you."

Natalie sighed, she hated when Rex did that. He knew she would do anything for him, to make him feel better. "oh alright." She agreed. But only for a little while. What are you going to do while I'm being 'protected?'" Natalie asked Rex.

Rex grinned at her sarcasm, "I, my dear sister, am going to go back to Llanview and find something to put Cris away with. If he is working for the Santi's there has to be proof!"

"Rex!" Natalie exclaimed very worried. "The Santi's are very dangerous. You could be hurt, or god forbid killed!"

"Natalie is right Rex. If anyone is going to dig around into the Santi organization it should be me. The FBI has been looking to bust them for a long time."

Rex took John aside, "You need to protect my sister. I love my sister more then anyone else in the world. She has been there for me, ALWAYS! and now she needs me for a change. I will not let her down. She needs the best and from what I have heard that's you. Now I don't know you but my sister seems to like and trust you so that's good enough for me. Rex stated to John.

"I am good at finding out things that no one else can, so that's what I am going to do. For Natalie. I can tell you care a lot for my sister. She needs you here, with her. Now are you going to protect her or do I need to call the Buchanan's so they can?" Rex asked.

John sighed knowing that Rex was right, but not liking it one bit, "I will always protect Natalie. But I want you to check in with me every day. Once you have something on the Santi's the FBI will take over and put them out of business. Agreed?"

"Agreed!" Rex said and they shook on it. "Now I am going to head back to Llanview and get started." He went over to Natalie and hugged her.

"You need anything, You call me. Any time Day or night. Ok? I love you sis." Turning back to John Rex said, "Take care of her John!"

After Rex had given his statement to the police and left John and Natalie stood in an uncomfortable silence. John sighed and said, "Why don't you get your stuff together and we'll get out of here?"

Natalie nodded, heading for the bedroom. Gathering her stuff, which wasn't much, she reappeared a few minutes later. "Ok, got it all."

John told the officers they were leaving and where they would be. Then they headed for John's place. Natalie sat in John's car and thought about everything that had happened in the past year. She knew she would have to tell him, but she wasn't sure how or even where to start.

John pulled into his parking spot, turning to look at Natalie, he said, "We're here." He knew if Rex hadn't pressured her into it she wouldn't be here. He also knew that he wanted her here. That very fact made him uncomfortable and a bit scared.

He was VERY attracted to Natalie and he could tell she was attracted to him too. They would be spending their time here together, alone. He knew something could happen, he wanted it too, but also he didn't. He knew if he and Natalie 'got together' he wouldn't be able to leave her. He wouldn't be able to let her go. And that scared him.

Natalie nodded. They both got out of the car. John led the way to the front door. After letting them in and giving Natalie a tour of the place he said, "You can take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch."

"No, I couldn't put you out of your own bed, John." Natalie exclaimed.

"I insist Natalie. Now what don't you go get ready for bed. Its been a long night and I'm sure your very tired." John said.

Natalie sighed. She was very tired and didn't have the energy to argue with him. "Ok John." She said and headed for the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed.

After Natalie left the room John let out the breath he had been holding. If she had stayed a minute more he would have thrown caution to the wind and kissed her. He had been wanting to ever since she had run into his arms back at her place. He didn't know how he was going to have her here and not kiss her. But he would have to. Even if it killed him. He sighed again and sat down on the couch to prepare himself for a long night.


	12. Chapter 13

Natalie woke up slowly, feeling a weight across her waist she tensed up and began to move away carefully.

John felt Natalie wake, when she tensed and started to slid away he said, "its ok Natalie, it's John."

"John," Natalie sighed in relief, relaxing into his hold. Turning around to face him she looked up into his face. "Thank you John."

"Your welcome." John said looking down into her eyes. "Anything for you." He said, meaning it. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her.

Natalie continued to look into John's eyes. She was remembering the night before. After she had the first nightmare and had told John everything they had gone to sleep in each others arms. Natalie couldn't remember when she had felt as safe as she did in his arms. She had had 2 more nightmares during the night but each time she had woke in his arms and he soothed away the fear. He had stroked her hair and made everything alright again.

As Natalie looked up at him John had an overpowering urge to kiss her. Unable to help him self John slowly closed the distance between them and kissed her softly. John moaned softly when his lips touched hers. Kissing Natalie was like nothing John had ever felt before.

Natalie saw the moment that John decided to kiss her. She saw his head bending toward her. She saw it and did nothing to stop him. She didn't stop him because she wanted this kiss as much as he did. She had been wondering what it would be like to kiss him ever since they had played that first game of pool. Natalie gasped as his lips touched hers. She moaned along with him at the heat his kiss generated in her. He was kissing her very softly and tenderly but the kiss effected her more then any kiss Natalie had ever had.

John tore his mouth from hers his breathing ragged. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he rasped.

Natalie was also breathing heavily. She looked away for a minute then back at him, "Why are you sorry? Didn't you like it? I wanted that as much as you did. So don't be sorry on my account." With that Natalie got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

"Natalie," John called as she reached the bedroom door, "I just don't want to do anything to scare you. I care about you too much to ever hurt you or take advantage of you. And as far as kisses go, that was a great one." he said when she turned around to look at him.

Natalie blushed and smiled at him. "You weren't taking advantage of me. If I didn't want that kiss I wouldn't have kissed you back." Natalie turned around and took a step towards the door, hesitated then faced John again, "By the way I agree. That kiss was Amazing. Such a great way to wake up." Natalie said with a wicked grin before heading to the bathroom with John's delighted laughter in her ears.

John was shaking with laughter. He couldn't remember the last time he was so happy. It hadn't been since Caitlyn that he had laughed this much. He stopped laughing at the thought of Caitlyn. He paused expecting to feel that jolt of guilt that he usually felt when he thought of her. He was surprised when he didn't feel it. He tried to remember the last time he had felt it and he realized that he hadn't felt the guilt since he had met Natalie.

Thinking about that John was shocked. In all the time he had spent with Natalie he hadn't once felt guilty. He hadn't even realized it but Natalie had helped him get over Caitlyn. He could think about her with out feeling the overwhelming guilt and grief that had haunted him these past 6 years. He felt like he could talk to Natalie about her. About his past and that was a new feeling for him. Maybe it was the fact that she had opened up to him last night or maybe it was just the woman herself but John felt like he could tell her anything.

Natalie stood for a long time under the spray of the shower. She thought about a lot of things but the main thing she thought about was John. Last night, when she had told him about her past, something changed in their relationship. Something big, Natalie wasn't just thinking about John as a friend.

Suddenly, or maybe not so suddenly when she thought about it, she was thinking about him as a man. A man that she was very attracted to, that she liked very much. Somewhere along the way she had begun to think of him as HER man.

Natalie was shocked at her thoughts about John, who until this morning, had treated her like a friend. Natalie knew that he had wanted more but she hadn't realized until now that she also wanted more. A lot more. That made her both happy and sad. Happy because he seemed to want her just as much and sad because she wasn't free. She was still married even though she was unhappy in her marriage and wanted a divorce, Natalie respected her marriage vows. She didn't know what to do about this situation.

While Natalie was in the shower John called in to work. He took off 3 weeks. He had 6 weeks of vacation coming to him so if he needed more time it was there. His boss had been shocked. He rarely took a day off let along 3 weeks. His boss had wanted to know if he was dying. John had laughed and said yeah he was dying for some time off.

After taking care of his time off John started making breakfast. He didn't know what Natalie liked to eat for breakfast so he called into the bathroom when he heard the shower turn off, "Hey Natalie. What do you want for breakfast?"

"How about eggs and bacon?" Natalie said naming her favorite breakfast food. She didn't think John knew how to cook so she said, "but that's ok I can cook it myself."

Coming out of the bathroom 10 minutes later Natalie almost fell over when John presented her with a delicious looking plate of bacon and eggs. "Wow," Natalie said, "I am surprised. I didn't think you actually knew how to cook."

John laughed for a minute then got serious, "there are a lot of things you don't know about me. But I would like to tell you," He said looking at her, "There is some stuff about me that I think you should know."


	13. Chapter 12

John turned over on the couch restlessly. Natalie had gone to bed a couple of hours ago. He had stayed up for a long while, just thinking. Turning over again he knew he wasn't going to get much sleep tonight.

Natalie's scream tore John out of the restless sleep he had been in. He was up, grabbing his gun and running into the bedroom before her scream had died away. He burst in the door looking for intruders. What he saw was Natalie writhing on the bed obviously in the grips of a nightmare.

Natalie thrashed on the bed trying to get away from the hands that were causing her pain. "No stop! Cris Please. Don't." she pleaded in her sleep.

John sat down gently on the bed and put a hand on her shoulder lightly. "Natalie." He whispered. When she didn't wake up he shook her gently and spoke a bit more loudly, "Natalie!"

Natalie jerked awake with a startled yelp. Feeling John's hand on her she screamed and jerked her self away violently. "No, leave me alone!" she yelled out.

"Natalie it's me, John. You were having a nightmare. You're ok now." John said trying to calm her down.

Natalie looked around in fear, then sighed. It had been a dream. Cris wasn't here. Not looking at John she said, "I'm ok now you can go. I'll be alright."

John nodded and got off the bed, "you know, it helps if you talk about it." When she didn't say anything John started to leave.

Natalie was just trying to hold her self together. She hated crying and didn't want to do that in front of John. It was so hard. He was being so nice, so understanding. "John," she blurted out as he reached the door, "will you stay with me?" She asked emotionally.

John was startled but he nodded and came back to the chair next to the bed. He started to sit down when Natalie said "No, here" patting the empty spot on the bed. "Can you just hold me? Please?"

John nodded and got under the covers next to her. This was going to be torture the thought to himself. To be that close and not touch her, not kiss her. He sighed when she snuggled into his arms her back to his chest. Closing his eyes he wrapped his arms around her gently.

John was almost asleep when Natalie spoke, "John?"

"Yeah?" John said softly.

"I'm sorry." Natalie said just as softly.

"For what?" John asked mystified.

"For being such a bother." Natalie replied. She felt terrible for causing John so much trouble. His arms felt so good around her and Natalie snuggled deeper into his embrace.

"You could never be a bother, Natalie. I care about you a lot. Don't you know that by now." John said shocked that she would think that she was bothering him.

Natalie nodded, she did know that John cared for her. It frightened her because she was beginning to care about him as a lot more then a friend. "I know John. Its just that.. that.. well.." Natalie stammered unsure what to say.

"Its ok Natalie. Do you want to talk about the dream?" John asked gently, knowing instinctively that she wanted to talk about it but didn't know how to bring it up.

"It wasn't so much a dream as it was a memory." Natalie started. Once she started it just came pouring out. All the emotions she had felt came out in her voice. She told him about Cris, their marriage and how everyone had thought he died in Vegas. She told him about how she had done stupid things and had almost been arrested for Paul Cramers murder but Jess and Rex had worked together and found the real killer.

When she got to how Cris came back her voice wavered. "He just showed up on the door step." Natalie said, "I was so happy. My husband was alive and well. I knew it wouldn't be the same as it was before but I never dreamed it would be so different..." Natalie trailed off and was silent for a moment.

John had been silent through the whole story but when it looked like she wasn't going to continue he said, "different how?" He knew she needed to get the rest of it out. It would make her feel better.

"He wasn't the same sweet gentle man that he was before. He yelled and threw things. He told me that he had survived and had come home for me. That he didn't need anyone else but me. I loved that he thought I was all he needed but I also wanted him to get help. He wouldn't see anyone about all he had been through. When I pressed him on it he just said he didn't want to talk about it. Eventually we moved out of my Mom's house and found an apartment. That's when he hit me for the first time." Natalie said.

As Natalie continued, telling John how she startled Cris and he had slapped her and hit her, John felt himself getting angrier and angrier. He hated that Natalie had to go through so much. If Cris had been in the room at that moment John knew he would have killed him. With that thought ringing in his mind John realized that he was in love with Natalie. That he had probably been in love with her since the day they met. He wanted to tell her but he knew she was no where near ready to hear that. He wasn't even sure he was ready to tell her.

As Natalie neared the end of her story, telling John how Cris had found her and how he had beat her up and how she got away while he had been asleep, she felt exhausted. She was emotionally drained. She fell silent trembling with fear and shame. She had failed her husband. He had loved her and trusted her to help him and she hadn't been able to.

When Natalie finished John just held her, not saying a word. Finally when she stopped trembling John said, "I'm sorry you had to go through all that. It will be ok. He isn't ever going to hurt you again."

Natalie turned around in Johns arms and looked up at him. "You don't understand John. I failed him. It's my fault that he is like that. If I had been a better wife, if I had been more patient he would be ok now." Natalie said sadly.

"Natalie," John said gently. "Its not your fault. Cris knew he had a problem. Instead of getting help he blamed everything on you. You aren't a psychiatrist. You aren't equipped to deal with those kinds of problems. Cris knew that yet expected you to. It wasn't fair to put those kinds of expectations on you. Don't you see that?"

"But.." Natalie started.

"No, Listen to me Natalie." John interrupted her. "Cris had a choice. He could have gone to counseling but he didn't. Even after he hit you he didn't. That's his fault not yours. A man who loves you doesn't hit you. He doesn't blame you for everything. A man who loves you protects you. If Cris really loved you he would have gotten the help he needed instead of expecting you to fix everything." John stated passionately.

Natalie just looked at John not saying anything. A few tears had leaked from her eyes during John's speech. "Thank you John." Natalie said softly.

John turned Natalie back around and held her close. "Any time," he whispered in her ear. John held her close until she fell into a deep sleep, then fell asleep himself with a smile on his face.


	14. Chapter 14

After John had told Natalie about his past, his past with Caitlyn mostly, they had sat on the couch and simply held each other. Both realized that this had changed their relationship. It had made them something more then friends.

They watched old movies all day and just talked. They talked about Atlantic City and about their families. It felt to Natalie like she had known John her whole life. When she had told him about her irrational fear of red socks he hadn't laughed at her like everyone else. He had just smiled and said he hated brown ones. That he thought that they were bad luck.

They had played pool on his table that he had set up in his living room. Natalie had beat him of course. Laughing John had said he was going to practice more so that one day he would beat her. Both Natalie and John avoided all serious discussion after he had told her about Caitlyn. John didn't want to bring up bad memories about last night and Natalie didn't want to stir up painful memories for John. Both just enjoying spending the day together.

It was about 10pm and after their 4 game of pool when Rex called. He told them that Cris denied everything. Cris said that he was moving on with his live. That he wanted to just forget the past.

Rex smiled gleefully and happily told Natalie that Cris had signed the divorce papers. Rex believe he did it so no one would think he was guilty of trying to hurt Natalie.

"You should have seen his eyes when he signed the papers Natalie." Rex was saying. "He looked really angry. I know he was behind that attack in A.C. I just need time to prove it."

Natalie nodded even though she knew he couldn't see her. "I know you will Rex." She sighed, "I just can't believe he is the man I married. He has changed so much. The old Cris, My Cris wouldn't hurt a fly."

"I know Natalie. But people change. Just look at me and you. We grew up with nothing and now you are a Buchanan. I was always breaking the law and I hated cops but now I am working with them, for them. Its strange how life works out." Rex said, he had been thinking the same thing not log ago. If someone had told him 5 years ago that this was where he would be he would have labeled them crazy and had them committed.

"So how are you and John getting along?" Rex asked changing the subject. He knew John would take care of her. Rex had just met John but even he could tell there was something powerful between them. Rex knew if they weren't 'together' yet they would be very soon. A bon that powerful couldn't be ignored.

"We are getting along fine." Natalie said with a smile. "We spent the day watching old movies and talking about Atlantic City."

Rex rolled his eyes, Natty had really fallen for John. He could tell by the way she spoke about him. "So have you told him yet?"

"Told him what, Rex?" Natalie asked confused.

"That you love him of course!" Rex answered as if should be obvious.

"Rex! Of course not. I don't love him. I can't." Natalie said exasperated.

"Why not?" Rex asked.

"Why not what?" Natalie asked, again confused.

"You said you 'can't' love him. So I ask again Why can't you?" he said.

Natalie took a deep breath and tried to think of something to say. "Well for one I'm married."

"Not anymore, remember Cris signed the papers. Just think about this Natalie. John is a good guy. He isn't anything like Cris. He won't hit you or treat you badly. He has a job and he makes good money. And most importantly if he isn't in love with you yet he will be very soon." Rex said. He had spent the day talking to Michael McBain and had learned a great deal about John. He knew that John didn't love easily and that when he did it was the forever kind of love. He just hoped Natalie could push past the fear and take a chance on John and on love.

"I'm not ready for that Rex. I don't even know how I feel about John. He is a wonderful man but Cris was to. At first... And then he changed. How do I know that John won't change too. How do I know that he will be there for me loving me when I really need him. I don't have any of the answers and I am not even sure, at this point, that I want them." Natalie said softly, more confused then ever about her feelings.

She knew that something was happening between her and John but she didn't know what that was. Truth be told she didn't want it and was fighting it with all she had but it wouldn't go away. She knew that she and John would have to talk about it at some point, but not now, and not today. "Just keep trying to find something, Rex." Natalie said changing the subject upon seeing John come back into the room. He indicated that he wanted to speak to Rex and she handed him the phone.

While John talked to Rex Natalie left the room and went outside to look at the stars. She loved to look up at the stars and imaging that she was anywhere else. It had been her escape when she was young now she just admired the beauty of a clear star lit sky. It touched her in some way she couldn't define, made her feel like part of something bigger then herself.

When John finished talking to Rex he went looking for Natalie. Just being around her made him feel whole, made him feel complete. Smiling he looked out the door and saw her just sitting on the steps staring up at the stars with a look of contentment, belonging. He wondered what she was thinking about in that moment. He opened the door and joined her on the step.

"What are you looking at?" He asked as he tilted his head back and looked up at the sky with her.

Natalie sighed contently, "The stars. Aren't they so beautiful? I love looking at them. It's like they call to me."

Looking back at Natalie's upturned face John replied, "I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life."

Natalie looked at him as if sensing that they weren't talking about the stars anymore. Seeing him staring at him so intently she blushed. When John reached out a hand for her she took it. She let him lead her grass in front of the porch.

When they sat down John maneuvered them so that Natalie was sitting between his legs with her back to his chest. Leaning back against a rock John pulled Natalie against him and said to her, "There. Now we can see the stars together."

Natalie snuggled into Johns arms and put her arms on his holding him tight. She really liked the feel of his arms around her. Leaning back and looking up at the stars Natalie fell more at peace then she ever had before.


	15. Chapter 15 Smut

The next 3 days passed much like the first. Natalie and John played pool and talked about nothing and everything. It was a little scary to Natalie how well they got along. It was amazing, John was amazing. She could tell he wanted her, wanted her very badly but he never pushed her. He didn't pressure her. He let her set the pace of their relationship and that meant more to Natalie then she could say. After sitting on the lawn watching the stars with him Natalie decided that she was ready to take the next step in their relationship.

For the past two days Natalie flirted and teased John. Making veiled comments and brushing up against him to see how much he could take. Natalie wanted to be with him in every way and now that Cris had signed the papers she didn't see any reason to wait. Against all odds and after every thing she had been through somehow Natalie knew, deep inside, that she could trust John.

Natalie was playing pool alone while she waited for John to get back with the groceries. They had run out of food this afternoon. Not that either of them was a great cook but they had been taking turns with the cooking. It was almost like being married except for the sex. Something Natalie planed to remedy tonight. She had the perfect plan to make John lose that calm cool exterior he had. She grinned as she thought of his reaction to her plan. She just hoped she had the nerve to pull it off.

John came in the door laden with bags of groceries. "A little help here?" He called out, as he was about to drop a bag.

"Good lord John did you have to bring in everything in one trip?" Natalie exclaimed seeing he had like 5 bags in his hands.

John shrugged sheepishly, "I was in a hurry." Not looking at Natalie John looked around the place. He knew if he looked at her he would drag her into his arms and kiss her senseless. He did know if she realized what she was doing but she had been driving him nuts for days. Brushing up against him and flirting with him. He had been in a constant state of arousal for days and he didn't know how much more he could take.

"Wow it looks so much better in here. What did you do to it." John asked trying to take his thoughts off the gorgeous redhead.

"I cleaned it up. You are a slob John. There were things in that fridge that I couldn't even come close to identifying." Natalie said laughing. She began to put things away and soon they were done. Looking at John she said with a grin, "want to play a game of pool?"

John nearly groaned, watching her bend over that pool table made him want to bend HER over that pool table. "Yeah, sure." He said figuring he was a glutton for punishment.

Natalie walked into the pool table and picked up a cue. "You break," she told him. After they had played a couple of games Natalie looked at John with a wicked grin, "Wanna make this more interesting?"

John looked over at her, seeing her grin but not knowing what she had in mind he said, "What did you have in mind?"

"We trade clothes. I miss I take something off, You miss you take something off." Natalie said boldly. She was grinning widely at John's very interested look.

John almost swallowed his tongue. Was she serious? "Strip pool? Are you serious?" John asked searching her face. He had fantasized about that, he had even dreamed about it and it was hard to believe that she was saying these things to him.

When Natalie nodded John smiled broadly, "You're on, but instead of taking off clothes when we miss how about I make a shot you got to take something off. And vice versa for me." He said hopefully. This was turning out to be a night to remember.

"Your on buddy. I'll even let you break." Natalie said smiling and bowing grandly. John laughed and broke, 2 balls went it.

Turning to look at Natalie John arched his eyebrow saying, "I'm waiting." John's cock went hard as a rock as Natalie whipped off her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra and her full creamy white breasts bounced as she finished taking off her shirt. John moaned as he looked at those ripe pink tipped breasts. "Natalie.." He whispered reverently, "You're so beautiful."

Natalie grinned at the look on his face. She walked up in front of him and leaned in close, brushing her breasts against his chest through his shirt. "Take your next shot." She whispered in his ear.

John gulped loudly, his hands shaking he lined up for his next shot. As John was about to take his shot Natalie brought her hand up to her left breast and started to fondle it. John missed his shot moaning in approval of her actions.

Natalie felt like she was on fire with desire for him but she wanted to play this out. She was wet and throbbing between her legs. Natalie took her shot. She made 2 balls in as well and looked at John expectantly. "Off with it, John," she said with a grin.

John looked at Natalie with a smile of his own and Natalie watched with interest as he took off his shirt as well. Now they were both bare above the waist. Natalie wanted to run her hands on his naked flesh. The urge to do so was almost overpowering.

As Natalie bent to take her next shot John moaned again. The sight of her bare breasts over the table made him want to rip off her clothes and drive into her right then and there. Stealing himself against the urge, he moved up behind her, and reached around taking her breast in his hand fondling it as she had done only moments earlier.

Natalie made her shot then pushed her hips into his feeling his hardness. Moaning in pleasure at the feel of his hand on her, Natalie turned around and looked at him. "What comes off next?"

**Authors Note. Sorry to leave you all hanging but I got to stop there. got to break this up or it will be very, very long. I'll post the next chapter immediately after this one. Promise!**


	16. Chapter 16 Smut

John was breathing heavily as he reached for his pants. He froze when Natalie covered his hands with hers and said, "No, let me" her voice husky with passion. He nodded and let her do as she pleased with him.

Natalie unbuttoned John's pants pausing to stroke the hard bulge under his zipper before unzipping them and pushing them downward. When she got to his feet she noticed that he was still wearing his shoes and laughed. As she knelt there she looked up at John and saw that he was looking down at her in puzzlement, trying to figure out what was so funny.

"Your still wearing your shoes." She said still laughing.

John grinned then too and kicked off his shoes so Natalie could take off his pants. Her hair brushed his throbbing cock and John gasped at the sensation. He was going crazy not touching her. He needed to hold her, to feel her smooth round breasts in his hands. He wanted to taste those puckered nipples. Clenching his hands against the urge to reach for her, he was determined to let Natalie make all the moves. He didn't want to scare her off.

Natalie sat up on her knees and looked up at him. "John" she purred. Reaching for his boxers she said, "lets skip the pool and go right to the stripping."

John jolted when he felt her breath through his boxers. Her lips were centimeters away from where he most wanted them. He nodded enthusiastically at her suggestion and reached to push down his boxers. When he felt Natalie stop him he looked at her questioningly.

"I want to do it," Natalie said taking his waist band and pulling them downward. As he sprang free from his constraints Natalie's eyes took him in. He was large and very hard. "Ummmm," Natalie murmured.

John smiled a bit shyly. He was a bit nervous standing there against the pool table with Natalie on her knees in front of him still half dressed while he was naked save for the boxers around his ankles, which he kicked off then. His knees almost buckled when he felt Natalie take him into her mouth. Without even meaning to John's hips moved forward sliding himself deeper into her mouth. He about lost his mind when Natalie sucked gently on him, moving her head up and down on him, using her tongue to further drive him crazy. "Nnnnatalie..." He moaned gripping the edge of the pool table to hold himself up.

Natalie smiled against him when he pushed himself deeper into her mouth. With her right hand she cupped his balls and massaged them gently. When she heard John gasp she pulled her head back slightly his cock sliding almost all the way out of her mouth until she just held the tip between her lips. "Mmmm, yummy" she said around him.

His breathing fast and ragged John shuddered at the feel of her mouth around him. This was better they any fantasy or dream. When Natalie swirled her tongue around the tip of his aching cock he knew that he had to stop her or he would cum in seconds. Reaching down he slid his fingers into her hair and griped the back of her head. Taking a deep breath he pulled her up to him and savaged her lips with his. Turning them around he pushed her back against the pool table and reached for her pants. He had them unsnapped and off of her in a heartbeat.

Natalie stepped out of her pants and underwear and John lifted her up and set her on the pool table. He left he for a minute to clear off the table then he was back and reaching for her. Taking her face into his hands and sliding his fingers into her hair John captured her mouth in his. He slid his tongue along the seam of her lips silently asking for entrance.

Natalie opened her mouth under his shuddering at the multitude of sensations that were racing through her. She was drowning in pleasure. Kissing John like this was more powerful and more intense then anything she had ever experienced. She moaned long and loud when John brought his hands up and caressed her breasts. When he gently squeezed and rolled her nipple between his forefinger and thumb moisture flooded her already wet core.

Natalie reached her hands up and put them on his chest. Feeling his thundering heartbeat she knew he wouldn't make her wait much longer. "John.." She moaned her hips twitching as he continued to love her breasts, first with his hands and then with his mouth.

John heard her moan his name and look up into her face. Seeing the naked desire clearly written on her face John groaned. As he took her mouth in a fiery kiss he brought one hand from her breast and reached between her legs and touched her throbbing center, sliding first one and then 2 fingers into her. He moaned when he felt her slick inner muscles contract around his fingers. He knew he couldn't wait any longer. Pushing her back against the felt of the pool table, his breathing out of control, he asked, "Are you sure?"

Natalie nodded, then suddenly remembering something she sat up quickly. John stepped back confused. He was relieved when Natalie reached over and grabbed a condom from a stand next to the pool table. Laying back down on the table Natalie took one of his hands and pulled him up next to her. When she opened the condom and unrolled it onto him John moaned and shook beneath her hands. With that done John spread her legs apart and positioned himself at her entrance. Hesitating a bit he took a moment to let the reality of the moment sink in.

At John's hesitation Natalie wrapped her legs around John's waist hooking her feet together behind him. Arching her hips off the table she moaned in pleasure when he sank into her partly. Tightening her legs around him Natalie moaned raggedly, "John.. Please."

John's control snapped at her ragged plea, he couldn't take anymore and drove into her savagely. He slammed his hips into her moaning at the feel of her inner muscles tightening around his hard, throbbing cock. He withdrew back with a slow deliberate pull then pushed into her again firmly.

Natalie felt his control vanish and gloried in John's almost violent possession of her. She might have been frightened if she hadn't been sure that he would stop if she said the word. But she didn't want him to stop. She didn't want him to ever stop. Natalie could feel her release building, she knew that she couldn't last much longer. Moaning 'John' she slid her hands into his hair and kissed him passionately.

As John kissed Natalie he could feel that she was almost there. He slowed his movements, reaching between their bodies he brought his fingers to her clit, stroking her gently. As he slid into her again he felt her let go. Her release triggered his and with a long shuddering moan, he came. Feeling pleasure the like of which he had never felt before John lay on top of Natalie struggling to catch his breath.

John could feel Natalie struggling to catch her breath as well and regretted that he had been so rough with her. He pulled out and rolled off after a minute. Touching her cheek gently with his finger he said anxiously, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rough. I didn't hurt you did I?"


	17. Chapter 17

Natalie was still trying to recover from what had been the best sexual encounter of her life. When she heard him say he was sorry her heart froze in her chest, until she heard the rest of it. Smiling a smile full of joy and contentment, "no you didn't hurt me." Looking up at him she said softly, "you.. we.. that was the most amazing.." stumbling over the words. She just didn't have the words to tell him how wonderful he was.

John smiled with relief and joy. "yeah that was pretty amazing." As Natalie lay there too dazed and drained to move John went to the bathroom to clean himself up. As he was doing so he noticed that the condom had broken during their rough lovemaking. He swallowed hard. Now what? He thought to himself. Did he tell her or did he just keep it to himself?

He loved her and if she was pregnant he would love the child, but did she feel the same? She had just gotten divorced from an abusive husband would she want to start a family right away with him? John sighed he knew what he had to do. He had to tell her. He just hoped she wouldn't be too freaked out. Pulling on some sweat pants he had in the bathroom he took a deep breath and went out to tell her.

Seeing that she had gotten off the pool table and had went to his bedroom he followed. When he went in his heart stopped beating. She was lounging on top of the bed stark naked. He felt himself harden again. Taking a deep calming breath, "Natalie.." he began.

Looking up into John's face she saw a expression she had never seen before on him. He looked scared but excited, nervous but hopeful. Wondering what was the matter, "What's wrong, John?" She asked.

John swallowed hard, "I...um...uh...we..." he stammered not knowing how to say it.

"John?" Natalie asked starting to get scared. "Are you sorry?"

"God no!" he burst out, "that.. with you, was the most amazing experience of my life!"

"Then what is it?" Natalie asked bewildered at why he was acting so strangely.

John took a huge stabilizing breath and simply blurted out, "The condom broke, I could have gotten you pregnant tonight."

Natalie just looked at him blankly for a minute. "Oh" she said numbly.

She sat on the bed for a few minutes silently and John came over and sat next to her, trying to ignore the fact that she was naked. "What do you want to do about it." She finally asked him.

John took a deep breath while he tried to find the right words. If he told her the truth, that he wanted her to be pregnant and that he wanted to marry her, she might run the other way but on the other hand if he lied and said it didn't matter she might think he didn't care about her and run away. He sighed, he couldn't win in this situation.

Natalie took his silence as a bad thing, hurt she said flatly, "It's ok John, I really don't think I'm going to get pregnant. Before I left, Cris and I tried for months to get pregnant and I didn't. I don't think that just one time with you will do the trick."

John heard the hurt in her voice and silently curse himself, cursed the fact that he wasn't good with words. Closing his eyes he took another deep breath and took the plunge, "that's the problem Natalie. It's not ok." Looking down at his hands for a second then looking straight into her eyes he said the words that he thought would never pass his lips again, "I love you Natalie and if you were to have my baby I would be more happy then I have ever been in my life."

"I know you aren't ready to hear that and you probably don't feel the same way but I do, I love you." John looked down again, he didn't want to see the pity in her eyes when she told him that she didn't love him, that she didn't want his baby.

Natalie was shocked that John had just declared his love for her. Shocked and happy. She hadn't thought she was ready to love again, hadn't thought she even could love again but seeing the love shining in John's beautiful blue eyes she knew. She knew that whether she was ready or not she loved him. All the confusion she felt before the uncertainty she had felt about her feelings for John vanished leaving only the simple truth. She loved him. Whether it was too soon or whether or not she was ready it didn't matter. Because she already loved him and she didn't want to miss a moment of it.

"John," she said softly, and when he refused to look at her she took his chin in her hand she tilted his face up to look at her. "I love you too John." She said with conviction. "I tried not to, I tried to deny it but its there. I love you." Smiling when she saw the joy brighten his eyes and his face light up with his smile.

"Really?" He asked hopefully. "What about the other?" He asked.

"Yes really. I love you John and if I'm pregnant then we will deal with it. I always wanted children. The question is can you handle being a father? It takes a lot of time and working for the FBI you don't get a lot of time off." Natalie said with a smile.

"I can handle it. I'll quit if I have to. I have been thinking of taking another job for a while now." John said then was silent for a few minutes. "This has been the best day of my life." John said as he settled into the bed and wrapped Natalie in his arms. Pulling the covers over them he lay back bringing Natalie with him.

Natalie snuggled into John's embrace and smiled up at him, "Mine too."


	18. Chapter 18

For my loyal reviewer JustAnotherRegret  
I just want to say thank you! I appricate all your kind reviews of my work. I promised you Cris would be in this fic and here he is. I promise by the time I am done with him you will be screaming "off with his head!" Hope you like the chapter JustAnotherRegret Again thanks for your kind words.

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John was woke up the next morning by Natalie's scream of fright. As he sat up quickly, his hand reaching under his pillow for his gun, he looked over to Natalie. She was staring at the foot of the bed in terror. Looking down to where she was staring he saw that there were 3 men standing at the foot of the bed.

"What the hell?..." John said.

Natalie sat straighter, "What the hell is going on Cris?" She said speaking to the man in the middle.

"Did you think I would let you go that easily? I had hoped to find you before you whored your self out but.." Cris said with a evil grin and a shrug.

At that slur John pulled out his gun and pointed it at Cris. "Get out you bastard! How did you even get in here. I have an alarm!"

Cris nodded at his compainions and they inturn whipped out guns of their own, pointing them at Natalie instead of John. "Put your gun down McBain or I'll just shot Natalie and let you watch her die." Cris said with a smirk, "and to answer your guestion I bought the code. There isn't much you can't buy these days."

"You bastard! I can't believe I loved you!" Natalie spat at him clutching the sheet around her breasts.

Cris just looked at her coldly. "Get dressed," he said "Your coming with me."

Natalie shook her head, "No, I am not going anywhere with you!"

Cris's eyes narrowed in anger, "Fine you don't want to come with me," he said nodding to his goons, "I'll just have them shoot McBain and then I'll beat you to death." The 2 goons shifted their aim to John who had dropped his gun when Cris threatened to shoot Natalie.

"NO! Leave him alone. he didn't do anything to you. I'll go with you." Natalie said frantically. Looking over at John she said helplessly, " I have to go with him."

"Natalie," John whispered. He couldn't lose her. Not now not when he had just found her. "No, please don't." He said softly.

Cris walked over to the side of the bed and grabbed Natalie's arm. As he dragged Natalie out of the bed, "John... I love you."

John went to lunge at Cris and one of the goons hit him in the back of the head knocking him out.

"John!" Natalie yelled. Turning around she began pounding on Cris's chest "No, you bastard! I hate you! John! John!" she cried.

Cris pushed her away roughly and slapped her hard across the face. "Stop it you bitch. Put your clothes on! We are leaving." Picking up her clothes he threw them at her.

Natalie fell back on the bed and screamed when he hit her. Holding the side of her face Natalie looked at him in fear. His face was twisted into a vicious snarl and he looked prepared to hit her again. "Ok, I'll go just promise you won't hurt him! Please!" Natalie begged.

Cris laughed snidely, "I won't hurt him if you come quietly. You won't ever see this scum again anyway."

Natalie dressed quickly looking frequently at John hoping he would wake up and save her. She finished getting dressed and Cris dragged her out of the room and out of John's house. Crying softly Natalie begged Cris to let her go. "Please, Cris if you ever loved me just let me go."

Cris looked over at her and laughed, "Your my wife. You belong to me. I will never let you go. your mine!" Grabbing the back of her head he forced her head up and kissed her roughly. Forcing his tongue into her mouth.

Natalie gagged at his violent kiss. There was no love in it. Just lust and possession. Natalie felt sick to her stomach she tried to turn her head away but Cris wouldn't let her. When he finally let her go he was breathing heavily. "You're mine," he said again before shoving her into the car and speeding off.

Natalie looked out the back window watching as John got farther and farther away. When his apartment was out of sight she began to sob. She didn't know what she would do with out John he was her life now.

John woke up slowly. Holding the back of his head he couldn't remember what happened. Sitting up he suddenly remembered. "Natalie," he said in a tormented whisper. "I'll find you I promise!" he vowed.

Jumping out of bed John quickly dressed and then called the last person he would ever have thought he would.

"Hello?"

"Bo!" John said "Natalie has been taken!"

"John? John McBain? Is that you?" Bo said. "Natalie? what about Natalie. How do you know Natalie? Where is she?" Bo said

John sighed he had known this would be a problem."Bo...BO just listen! Yes this is John McBain. Cris took her, he took Natalie. He knocked me out and took her. We need to find her!"

"Cris? Just what the hell is going on? Where are you? You back in AC?" Bo asked, confused but extremely worried by John's frantic tone.

John sighed and began to explain the situation. He told Bo about Natalie and Cris's relationship and how he had come to met her. He didn't come right out and say it but Bo could tell that John was in love with his niece. "I'll put out an APB on them John. We will find her!" Bo promised before breaking the connection.

John was worried that Cris would beat up Natalie in retaliation for leaving him.Natalie was his life, his love and he didn't think he could survive if anything should happen to her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he would be damned if he would let that woman beating psycho Cris take her from him. John needed her in his life and he would risk anything to save her.

John got his stuff together and headed for his car. He knew that Cris would probably bring her back to Llanview and that was where he was headed. John got into his car and sped off toward Llanview at 100 mph praying that he would reach Natalie in time.


	19. Chapter 19

John raced into the station. "Bo! Did you find her?" He asked frantically. Looking around he saw that the station was practically empty. "Bo?" he called again.

Bo came out of his office somberly. "We haven't found them yet John." Bo was about to say more when Rex came racing into the station.

"Uncle Bo we got a problem!" Rex said urgently not noticing John standing there looking shattered. "I found out Cris killed Tico Santi to take over the business!"

"What?" John asked even more frightened for Natalie now.

Rex finally noticed John, "What are you doing here? Where is Natalie? Why do you look like that?..." Rex trailed off with his questions and looked between thetwo men. "Oh MY GOD? Where is MY SISTER?" He practically yelled at John.

John looked down, "I don't know. Cris came with a couple of goons and took her. Apparently they bought the code to my security system. We woke up and there they were. One of them knocked me out and Cris took her." John had tears in his eyes. It was all his fault. If he had just been more alert, if he had just had better security, if he had just done things differently.

"Well what are you doing to find her. If Cris has her she could be seriously hurt!" Rex sad urgently. Not placing blame on anyone.

"What you knew about this too?" Bo asked getting annoyed. "Who else knew that my niece was getting beat up by Cris. How come no one told me. I could have arrested his him!" Bo shook his head then said more calmly, "Now isn't the time for this. Lets just find her. I have everyone looking for them. If they came back to Llanview we will find them."

Rex looked at John and asked fearfully, "Just what exactly was Cris's mood? Do you think he is gonna kill her?"

John shook his head, "I don't think he will kill her but he was very, very angry that she left him. And. well... He caught her in bed with me so he might beat the crap out of her." The tears in John's eyes started to leak out. One by one they fell and John didn't bother to wipe them away. He looked at Rex, "I'm just not sure. All I know is we need to find her. I can't live the rest of my life with out her!"

Rex and Bo stood looking at John in shock. They had never seen him display such emotion. Rex had known that John was in love with Natalie but until that moment he hadn't realized just what his sister meant to the usually somber cop. To see him display such agony was a true testament to his feelings for Natalie. The wholefive weeks John had been looking into the Santi's for the FBI he had never shown a 10th of this depth. He was by the book, and cautious even. But now looked ready to tear the town apart looking for hislost love.

Natalie was more frightened then she had ever been before. Even when Cris had hit her before he had shown remorse. But now he was cold, ruthless. His eyes were hard and blank. There was no love in them. Just anger and hate. "Cris" She began hesitantly.

Cris whipped his head around to look at her, "What is it wife? Not the accommodations your used to?" He asked coldly. Laughing he finished cuffing her hands to a pole against the wall. He had her chained up with room to walk to the bathroom and sit on the bed but not enough room to reach the door. "I have to make sure you don't go running back to McBain. You need to learn that you belong to me. Your mine!" He stated with out emotion.

Natalie looked around the room again trying to see a way out. She didn't know where they were. She knew that they were back in Llanview but she didn't recognize the area. She thought it might be on the grounds of Lion's Heart but she wasn't sure. Cris had dragged her into a small room with a bed and a tiny dirty bathroom. There was a light on the wall but too far away for Natalie to reach. He had used handcuffs to cuff her to a long chain against the wall. "Let me go Cris, Please!" Natalie begged.

Cris balled up his fist and punched her in the side, knocking her to the floor. "OW!" Natalie yelped then started to cry. "Why are you doing this? I thought you loved me!"

"Keep whining and I'll hit you again," Cris growled, raising his arm to slap her. Natalie cowered on the floor. "You left me once and you won't do it again!" He snarled at her then seemed to soften, "I do love you Natalie, That's why I have to do this. I can't lose you again. Don't you know I can't live without you?" He said gently.

When he reached down to caress her face Natalie flinched back and his face hardened again. "So that's the way its gonna be then? Well we'll see how you like being chained to this wall for a couple of weeks. That will change your attitude real quick." Cris declared grinning at Natalie's horrified look.

"Weeks?" Natalie stammered. Bringing her knees up under her chin and leaning back against the wall she looked up at Cris in horror. "Your gonna keep me locked up here for weeks?"

"As long as it takes. You're my wife and until you realize that you are going to stay right in this room." Cris said as he left the room.

Natalie sat on the floor staring after him tears seeping out of her eyes. Who was this man? He was nothing like her Cris. What happened to him to turn him into such a cold hard man. When he had seemed to soften he had been more like the old Cris butNatalie saw right through that. He had been trying to manipulate her. She wondered if he had been doing that since he had come back. She wondered if she had just been to blinded by her love for him to see what was right in front of her.

Looking into his eyes this morning when she woke up had just confirmed what John had told her. Cris didn't love her. He couldn't to treat her this way. Tugging at the chain at her wrist she smiled to herself ruefully. This was certainly not how she had imagined her day would turn out. She had imagined waking up in John's arms and making love all day. Getting dragged out of bed by her ex-husband was definitely not on her plans.

Thinking of John made her feel sad. How was he? Was he regretting ever getting involved with her? She had never wanted to hurt John and that was what had happened. He had been hurt because he was around her. Thinking of John and all that he must be going through because of her made Natalie start to cry again.

After about an hour of crying and general self pity Natalie began to get angry. How dare Cris do this to her? She wouldn't give in to him. She would find away out of this stupid room if it killed her! Natalie thought to herself.

As Natalie began to get more and more angry she began to pace the room. Looking for anything that could be used as a weapon or something to pick the lock on the cuffs. She had torn the bed apart and then the bathroom looking for something. She found a little piece of spring that looked like it came from the box spring on the bed and thought it could be used to pick the hand cuff lock. She had also found a piece of pipe in a particularly dirty corner of the bathroom. Whoever had cleaned out this room had done an poor job of it. Now all she had to do was bide her time until the right moment.

Filled with renewed hope that she would get out of here and back to John, Natalie put the bed back together and fell into a restless slumber.

_"Mommy, mommy!" A little girl with red hair said urgently as she swung higher and higher on the swing._

_"Yes, what is it darling?" Natalie said smiling at the little girl. _

_"Mommy, look at me. I'm flying." Said the little girl happily. "Daddy! Mommy look!" The little girl exclaimed, "Look there is Daddy!"_

_Natalie looked over her shoulder and smiled a huge smile. There was the love of her life. "Hey.."_

"Wake up. Wake up Natalie!" Cris said impatiently. He had been calling her name over and over but she didn't want to wake up.

Natalie woke with a start. "No" she mumbled she didn't want to wake up. She was having a wonderful dream. She had been dreaming that she had a child. A little girl. Natalie put her hand on her stomach. Maybe she was pregnant. It was a possibility after the night with John. Smiling softly to herself she secretly hoped that she was. Maybe the dream had been a vision.

"What are you smiling about!" Cris asked unhappily, angry that Natalie had seemed to have forgotten that he was even in the room.

"Nothing," Natalie said hiding her smile. She was going to get out of here! She had to. She needed to get back to John. Filled with hope Natalie decided that she would play Cris's game until she could find the right time to make her move.


	20. Chapter 20

Natalie had been missing a week and John was not in good shape. He was haggard. Ha hadn't shaved in days and he didn't even remember what sleep was. All he could think about was Natalie. The smell of her hair, the taste of her lips. He had just about driven everyone around him crazy. Bo, Rex and Vicki were just as frantic. They all loved Natalie more then anyone else in this town.

Asa had been in daily to find out if progress had been made in finding his granddaughter. Bo had , had a hard time convincing him not to go up to Lions heart and tear the place apart with his bare hands. His people had already combed the entire grounds and hadn't found a clue, not one piece of evidence that Natalie was there. Cris was no where to be found either. Neither Carlotta or Antonio had any clue where he was.

Rex had found evidence that Cris himself was leading the Santi organization. He had also found a copy of a DVD that showed Cris murdering Tico Santi. That alone would be enough to put him away for a long , longtime. But no one could find him. It was as if he had just dropped right off the planet along with Natalie.

John sat in his office, he had finally taken the job that Bo had offered him, he was supposed to be working on a robbery case but all he could think about was Natalie. After the FBI refused to help with the search for Natalie he had quit. He didn't regret it for one second. He just hoped that after they found her Natalie would want to stay in town.

Natalie was getting less and less sure she would ever get away from Cris. He rarely left her alone. Sometimes he came around and just stood in the door way just staring at her. She had no idea what he did most of the time but it was clear that he was in charge of the Santi organization. Two days ago he had came in to brag that he had killed Tico Santi and how he had put a hit on a dirty FBI agent. Natalie was sick to her stomach when he had told her that it had been Kathryn Fitzgerald. She knew from what John said that it had been Caitlyn's sister.

Cris had yet to release her from her bonds and Natalie's wrist was rubbed raw from the cuffs. She refused to give in to him though. several times he had tried to kiss her and she had resisted him. Cris had gotten very angry and slapped her on the face but Natalie still refused to beg. She refused to be submissive to his will like she had been while they were married. So far Cris hadn't hit her much but Natalie didn't know how much longer he would take her treatment of him. At first he had seemed impressed at her will but now he was being more and more bothered with it.

It wasn't enough that she did what he told her to now he wanted her to be happy about it. In fact he seemed insulted that she as angry with him. That she wasn't going to just fall into his arms because he told her to. He wanted her to beg him to let her free. He wanted her totally broken and Natalie wouldn't give him the satisfaction. She clung to her memories of John. She dreamed of him and thought of him constantly. She knew he would find her. She just knew he would. She had to believe that because it was all she had right now.

"Natalie!" Cris said, "come on Natalie I know you are awake. If you would only say you won't leave me I would un cuff you." Cris was getting tired of her stubborn attitude. If she didn't straighten up soon he would have to teach her a lesson. Cris grinned at the thought. She would be so stubborn after he beat her.

Natalie looked at him from the bed. It had to be around 2 am, he had never come by this late before. Natalie shuddered as a thought crosses her mind. What if her were hear to rape her? He had mad several references to taking what he wanted from her. Maybe he had gotten tired of waiting. "What do you want, Cris?" She spat at him, trying to keep the mind numbing fear from her voice.

Cris grinned and said in a husky voice, " What do you think I want? I want you! You are my wife after all."

Natalie shuddered again as her worst fears were realized. Sitting up on the bed she frantically looked around for the pipe she had stashed. Hoping she could get to it before he made his move she jumped off the bed and ran for the bathroom. Natalie screamed as Cris caught her and threw her back on the bed.

"Where do you think your going, Wife?" Cris said in a oddly calm voice. Pressing her down on the bed he went to kiss her. Natalie struck out at him with all her might and connected with his face. Cris grunted in pain, drawing his hand back he punched her in the jaw. Natalie screamed again, this time in pain and rage and continued to hit and punch him.

Cris caught her wrists in one hand while he hit her again and then again with his other. As Natalie lay there dazed Cris reached down and tore her shirt down the front exposing her heaving chest. "NO, Stop! Please don't do this Cris!" Natalie screamed at him. Cris bent down and started to kiss and fondle her breasts.

Natalie was beyond terror at this point. All that she could think was that Cris was going to rape her and there was nothing she could do about it. Closing her eyes she prayed for John to save her. She pictured John in her mind. It felt so real that for a second she thought that she felt his presence in the room with her.

John woke up from a troubled sleep with a cry. Natalie was in trouble! He knew without a doubt that she needed him. Right at this moment she needed him! He could feel her pain, her terror. He had to find her!

John jumped out of bed and started to dress. Throwing on his clothes he was reaching for his phone when it rang. He grabbed it up quickly.

"Natalie?" He answered praying that it was her.

"No its Jessica. Natalie is in trouble, John. I felt her! She is so scared!" Jessica said terrified for her sister. She hadn't felt anything this bad from Natalie since Mitch had tried to rape her. "We need to find her John! You have to believe me. I felt her. She is in trouble!"

John was silent for a second then said softly, "I know Jessica. I felt her too. I'm on my way to the station. Maybe there is somewhere we didn't look yet. I will find her!"

When John got to the station Jessica was already there. She ran up to him and hugged him, "thank you for believing me!" She said.

"Of course I believe you Jessica. I felt her too. Have you felt anything since?" John asked. He would have felt like a fool telling anyone else that he felt Natalie but Jessica and Natalie were twins and had a bond that no one could explain. so if anyone would understand what he was feeling it was her.

"You were close to Tico before he was murdered Jess, is there any place on the grounds of Lion heart that we haven't looked yet? That we might have missed?" John asked her urgently. Taking out a map of Lion's Heart John put it in front of her.

Natalie struggled against Cris frantically. "NO stop!" She said over and over again. Cris ignored her and continued to touch and kiss her. He was about to pull her pants down when one of the guards burst into the room. "There is a problem boss!"

Cris looked up angrily from where he was mauling Natalie, "Not now! Cant you see that I'm busy!" He demanded.

The frightened guard paled and stammered out, "It's about that last shipment. Manachelli is saying that he was ripped off. He is upstairs with his crew demanding to see you!"

Cris swore in disgust giving Natalie a violent shove he said, "Very well." Looking at Natalie he said, "We will have to pick this up later, my dear." With a parting look of lust he got off the bed and walked out the door.

While studying the map Jessica suddenly stiffened then sighed in relief. John looked at her funny, "What is it? Did you feel her again?"

Jessica nodded and said, "She is fine now. But I don't know for how long. We've got to find her John."


	21. Chapter 21

It was 3 days later and Natalie still hadn't been found. Rex was in Bo's office.

"Where could she be Bo?" Rex asked in a small voice. He missed Natalie so much. Natalie was the only person who treated him like he mattered. With out her he was lost.

Bo sighed, he wasn't feeling much better. He missed Natalie too. She had been gone from Llanview for over 8 months and that was eating at him. The fact that she had run away rather then turn Cris in also bothered him a lot. He had thought that Natalie could tell him anything, he had thought that he would know if someone was hurting his family. The fact that he hadn't even noticed was tearing him up inside. What kind of uncle was he not to notice that his niece was getting beat on by her husband? Heck what kind of cop was he not to notice something like that!

"I don't know Rex. We will find her. John hasn't stopped looking since he got here. If anyone can find her it will be him." Bo said tiredly. He hadn't had a good night sleep since Natalie went missing.

Rex began to sob quietly into his hands. "I should never have left Atlantic City with out her!" Rex sobbed, "I should have insisted that she go to the police instead of handling it ourselves."

Bo felt terrible for Rex, out of Natalie's family Rex, Jessica, and Vicki were taking this the worst. Rex practically lived at the station now and Jessica was a mess. Only Nash had managed to get her to get some sleep and even then she put up a fight about it. Vicki was put on bed rest because she had a relapse when she had found out about Natalie. And if Rex and Jessica were frantic with worry John was 10 times worse. He refused to go back to his room at the Angel Square hotel to sleep. Ever since the night 3 days ago when he claimed to have felt that Natalie was in trouble he hadn't left the station except to search for Natalie.

Coming around the desk Bo hesitantly put his arms around Rex. He was a little surprised when Rex embraced him tightly, his shoulders shaking with his silent sobs. After a while someone knocked on the door and they drew apart. Rex looked at Bo, "Thanks," he said simply.

Bo nodded and gave him a slight smile. He was fond of Rex. He was like a son to him and if giving him a shoulder to cry on helped then he was more then happy to lend his.

When Bo called for who ever that had knocked to come in, John stepped in the room. "Bo, I think I might have a lead!" John said urgently.

Bo nodded and said, "Let's go then." He, Rex, John and Jessica raced to the car. Bo called for back up on the way.

Natalie was now terrified of Cris. He had tried to rape her three nights ago. If it hadn't been for that guard coming in, Natalie knew he would have. She had retrieved the pipe she had found on her first day in the awful room and had hidden it under her pillow. She would be ready if he should try again.

_"Mommy? Mommy where are you?" Natalie heard in her sleep. This was a now familiar dream to Natalie. Each night she had dreamed of this little girl._

_"I'm here!" Natalie called out into the darkness. "I'm right here, baby."_

_"Mommy I can't see you." The little girl cried again. "Mommy."_

_Natalie reached out in her dream and took hold of the scared little girl. "Its ok. I'm here." _

_As Natalie embraced the her lovingly, the little girl looked over Natalie's shoulder and screamed._

Natalie woke up with a jerk reaching for the pipe under the pillow. She felt herself being shook to awaken her. Hearing the voice she had been dreading to hear for three days she tightened her hand on the pipe.

"Wake up, my sweet wife." Cris said, "It's time to finish what we started the other night."

"No!" Natalie yelled lashing out with the pipe. Catching Cris off guard she hit him in the side with the pipe. As Cris screamed in pain and rage Natalie hit him again and again in the side chest and arms. She hit he four more times then managed to get in a forceful hit to his head, Cris went down like a stone. Blood poured from the head wound but Natalie was to shaken up to notice.

Hearing a commotion in the room one of the men guarding the door ran in with his gun drawn. Looking from Cris to Natalie he brought his gun up to shoot her. Natalie thought she was dead. Her only thought was that she couldn't die without getting to see John one last time. Two gunshots rang out and Natalie screamed.

Natalie jerked when the gunman's bullet struck her upper arm. Not even feeling the pain of the gunshot wound she watched stunned as the gunman dropped onto the floor dead. Looking beyond him into the doorway she saw the most beautiful sight that she had ever seen in her life. "John!" Natalie cried happily running to him only to be brought up short by the chain securing her to the wall.

When John saw the man about to shoot Natalie he didn't even hesitate. Raising his gun he shot him dead without a second thought. All that he could think about was that he had found Natalie and that she was ok. Going to her as she ran to him he was horrified to see that she was chained to a wall. Taking in her ripped shirt and battered face he wanted to kill Cris then and there. As he got to her he pulled her into his arms, tears running unchecked down his face. "I found you." he said over and over as he held her gently but firmly.

"Natty!" Rex cried as he saw her. The police had secured the little cabin that Cris had been holding her in. It was on the property of Lion's Heart but hidden by the dense forest. He smiled at John happily. He had his sister back! Rex's smile tuned into a frown when he saw the chain tethering her to the wall. "What's that?" He asked as John again noticed the chain and took out a hand cuff key and unlocked the cuff around her wrist.

Pulling away from John Natalie embraced Rex. John smiled at them happily. He was just so relieved to see her alive. Looking around he noticed Cris lying on the floor. Bending down to check his pulse. He was still alive, but barely. John reluctantly called for the paramedics. He would have been happy to let the bastard die but he knew that Natalie would be consumed by guilt if she were responsible for his death. If he was right then it was Natalie who had dropped Cris and for her sake John hoped Cris lived.

Bo who had been securing the area rushed in with a very worried Jessica. "Natalie! Thank god!" They both said in unison and Natalie looked up from Rex's shoulder and smiled happily. Catching sight of Cris, who was being worked on by the paramedics, she shuddered and let out a small cry.

Bo and Jessica also hurried to embrace Natalie, as Bo hugged her he encountered a sticky wetness on her shirt sleeve. He touched the area and Natalie cried out in pain. "What happened?" Bo asked urgently.

Natalie looked at her arm confused for a second, then remembered, "The guard shot me. I didn't even feel it." She said dazed then simply passed out, crumpling to the floor. Bo caught her and gently lowered her to the floor calling for help.

John rushed to her side as she went down. Feeling frantically for her pulse he sighed in relief when he felt it beating strong. "What's wrong with her?" John asked not bothering to conceal the worry in his voice.

The paramedic checked her over then looked at John. "She's in shock." Cleaning the gunshot wound and bandaging it he said, "The gun shot wound is clean and she has a lot of bruises. She may have a cracked rib but I think she will make a full recovery."

"Why did she faint?" John asked, still concerned.

"She's been through a lot and she has lost quite a bit of blood. This should bring her around," said the paramedic, taking out some smelling salts he waved them under her nose and Natalie started to stir.


	22. Chapter 22

Natalie opened her eyes slowly, "John?" she called in a weak voice. The paramedic stepped back to give them room. Natalie's wounds weren't life threatening so he felt comfortable in giving them a minute of privacy.

"I'm here." John said kneeling next to her and stroking her hair. He smiled as her eyes fluttered open. Those beautiful blue eyes were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. After spending a week in hell to finally have her back was making John feel giddy. Running a hand over his face he tried to calm himself down.

Natalie looked up at John then around the room. Seeing Jessica, Rex and Bo nearby she smiled. "Uncle Bo." She said huskily and reached up a hand to him. "Long time no see." she said with a slight smile. Her smile disappeared as she caught sight of Cris being taken out of the room. "Cris? Is he...?" She whispered painfully.

John shook his head, "No he isn't dead. Not yet anyway. I don't know if he will make it," he said not wanting to tell her but understanding that she needed to know.

Natalie simply nodded. She had expected to feel sad or angry at Cris but she was numb. She struggled to sit up and groaned as a sharp burning pain shot through her arm. Looking down she remembered that she had been shot. "OWWW" she gasped out and John saw immediately calling for help.

"I bandaged the wound but your gonna need stitches." The paramedic said to Natalie, Checking her wound again.

Natalie grunted in pain. Clenching her teeth she was determined not to cry. She hated crying and had done far too much of it in the past week. "Why didn't you do stitch it up while I was unconscious?" She asked, grimacing again as he checked the tightly wrapped wound.

He shrugged and looked around at John, Bo, Jessica, and Rex. "You really need to go to the hospital for that." was all he said. Packing up his stuff he looked around and said, "I'm afraid that I have to insist that she Natalie go to the hospital now. She needs to have that stitched and get an X-ray to make sure she is ok." he said to John and Bo

Natalie nodded her assent too weak and confused to put up a fight. She clutched John's hand as she was loaded into the ambulance. John road in the ambulance with her to the hospital, not being able to bare another second away from her.

Jessica called Vicki from the car as she headed to the hospital with Rex and Bo. Vicki was so relieved that she had burst into tears on the phone. Once Jessica had gotten Vicki calmed down they arranged for Vicki to meet them at the hospital. Vicki called the rest of the family and they raced to the hospital to support their beloved Natalie.

An hour later Natalie sat in her hospital room awaiting the results of her x-rays. She had been stitched up and felt like she had been hit by a bus. She was still trying to process everything that had happened and her brain was on overload. John had been her rock. She didn't think that she could have made it through last week if it hadn't been for him. He love for him kept her strong, kept her will alive. He was off running an errand right now but had promised to be right back.

Since she had gotten back from x-ray there had been a steady stream of people in to see her. Vicki and Roxy had come first. She remembered the look on Roxy's face when she introduced John as her boyfriend. Though John had stayed at the hotel he had not met Roxy because he had been at the station the whole time. When he had been to Llanview before Roxy had been away with Nigel so he had not met her then either. Roxy had practically drooled on his lap! Natalie had a hard time holding back her laugh when she saw John blush bright red at her open admiration of his butt.

Michael came into the room breaking into her happy thoughts. She didn't know Michael very well, she had left town to get away from Cris not long after he had come to town, but he seemed like a nice guy. He was John's brother so that was definitely a plus in his favor. Natalie smiled at him, "So doc when can I get out of here?" She asked hopefully.

"Soon." Michael said. Looking at the x-rays in his hand he said, "There is no internal bleeding but you do have a cracked rib. You're going to be sore for a while." Michael said with a smile. He really liked Natalie a lot. She made John smile again and that made him very happy. "No strenuous activity for at least a week," he said with a wink laughing as Natalie blushed bright red.

"You mean no.." Natalie said embarrassed to be discussing this with John's brother.

Michael nodded, "that's right no sex," he said laughing. Getting serious he said, "Natalie if you need to talk to someone about what happened.." He began then trailed off, unsure how she would take what he was about to say. "Look I don't know what Cris did to you but it looked, when you came in, that he tried to force him self on you." Natalie started to say something but Michael interrupted her, "I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me. Anything you say to me stays between us."

Natalie was speechless at first. She was very touched by his words, "Thank you Michael," she said softly. Michael nodded and headed for the door, "Michael?" Natalie called to him as he was about to leave.

Michael turned around and looked at her, "yeah?"

"Is a week to early to find out if your pregnant?" Natalie asked softly.

Michael paled a bit asking, "Cris? Then he did..?"

Natalie shook her head empathetically and said, "no, but right before Cris grabbed me John and I... we... we..." Natalie sighed this was so hard to talk about with him. Deciding to just say it she said, "The condom broke so I might be pregnant. I just wanted to know if a week was to early to do the test."

Michael smiled widely, "I might be an uncle?" he said happily then, "well a week is a little early but sometimes we can tell, especially if its your first pregnancy. I'll just draw some blood see what I can do about finding out for you." He proceeded to draw some blood then looked at her for a minute.

"What?" Natalie asked, starting to feel self conscious.

"Nothing, just looking at the woman who makes my brother so happy." Michael said with a smile,

"He really loves you , you know. When you were missing. Well it was like he was missing a part of himself. Like he was broken. He wasn't even that bad when Caitlyn died and that's saying a lot."

"I know he does. He told me. I love him too. I never thought I could love again after Cris but John he showed me that I could. Even when I treated him like crap he still came back. He never gave up on me. He is the most amazing guy I know." Natalie said with a smile.

Michael nodded to show he understood what she meant. His brother was the best and he was glad that John found the woman who was perfect for him. "Well I'll get this to the lab," he said holding up the vial of blood.

"How long will the test take?" Natalie asked, praying that it wouldn't take long. She really wanted to get out of the hospital.

"About an hour." Michael replied, letting himself out he saw Vicki waiting in the hallway, telling her she could go in he proceeded to the lab.


	23. Chapter 23

John came back about 15 minutes later with a huge grin on his face. "What are you smiling about?" Natalie asked him curiously.

"Nothing. I'm just so glad you're alive and with me. So what did my brother say? Are you ok?" John asked concerned.

"He said I'm fine. Obviously I have a gunshot wound." Natalie said with a ghost of a smile, "I have a cracked rib and lots of bruises but no internal bleeding." Natalie said repeating what Michael had said. "he did say that we couldn't have sex for at least a week though," Natalie told him, blushing.

John grinned at Michael's bluntness, "he said that? He actually told you that?" John asked again laughing when Natalie turned an even deeper shade of red. "Its ok, he is a doctor. He is supposed to say things like that." John said.

"I know" Natalie replied, "but he is your brother and it was embarrassing."

John just smiled at her, charmed by her shyness. Natalie was like no one else in the world. She boldly set out to seduce him then got shy when talking about sex. Shaking his head John asked, "so can we leave yet? I know that there are a lot of people that want you to come home."

"Soon," Natalie said with a secret smile. "Michael is running one more test."

"What test is that?" John asked worried, not noticing her smile.

"A pregnancy test." Natalie said.

John was silent for a minute trying to figure out what to say, "Did ummm... Did Cris rape you, Natalie?" he finally asked, voicing the question that had been bouncing around in his head since he had seen her torn shirt back in that awful basement. Praying that it wasn't so he held her hand and waited for her answer.

Natalie looked down then straight into John's eyes, "No, but he came close. If it hadn't been for some bad drug deal he would have. Then today he wanted to but I hit him with the pipe." she said softly. "I am getting a pregnancy test to find out whether am pregnant with your baby."

John smiled a joyful smile and asked, "would you hate me if I told you that I hope you are?" He smiled even wider when Natalie shook her head.

"I think I am John. For days I have been dreaming of a little girl. In my dream she is our daughter, John. She is so beautiful. The dream just felt so real." Natalie told John emotionally. As crazy as it sounded she really believed that the little girl in her dream was their daughter. "It might sound crazy but I think that she is real, John. I think that I was dreaming about our daughter."

"It's not crazy. When you were missing I felt you. I felt when you were in trouble. Jessica felt it too." John said softly. "Do you want to talk about what happened? You might feel better." John asked.

Natalie nodded, "You better tell Bo to come in. I know he needs my statement to arrest Cris." Natalie said then fell silent thinking about Cris. "How is he?" She asked softly.

John sighed, he hadn't wanted her to know quite so soon. "He didn't make it, Natalie." John said gently. He hadn't wanted Natalie to have to deal with something like this.

Natalie sat there for a minute digesting the information before asking, "If I say that I'm glad does that make me a horrible person?" she asked tearfully.

John enveloped her in a hug, "Of course not! You're a wonderful person and I love you!" Natalie began to cry as everything that she had gone through hit her. John simply held her while she wept.

After a while she stopped crying and calmed down. John went to go get Bo. Bo hugged her when he came in then sat down in the chair at the side of the bed. John also sat down. Natalie began her story, telling it softly and with emotion. She had to stop several times but finally got it all out.

John sat very still as Natalie told her story. Hearing all the details he knew that if Cris wasn't already dead he would have strangled Cris himself with his bare hands. John felt terrible for all that Natalie had been though. Silently cursing Cris John simply held Natalie's hand tightly in his.

Bo was shocked at all Natalie had been though. He had thought that she would have told someone of gotten help. "Oh Natalie!" he said, "Why did you say something. We could have stopped Cris from hurting you."

"Uncle Bo you don't understand. I know you have dealt with domestic abuse cases before but you don't know what its like. Not really." Natalie told him. She knew he didn't understand, he couldn't, not unless he had been through it.

"It's hard to explain, I thought it was my fault. That if only I tried harder things would be better. I know it sounds stupid but I couldn't tell anyone. I was ashamed." She tried to explain.

"Ashamed?" Bo asked. He was trying to understand how someone as smart as Natalie could have gotten sucked into this. She was right, Bo thought to himself. He really didn't understand. Even after all his years on the force he had never been able to understand how women let men hit them and demean them.

John understood. He had spent the better part of his life taking responsibility for things that weren't his fault. So he could understand how Natalie had taken responsibility for Cris's actions. He could understand how her love and compassion for Cris had blinded her to who he was and what he was doing to her.

"I felt that I failed Cris. That I wasn't trying hard enough. That if I were a better wife I could have helped Cris get better. I thought that I had let everyone down because Cris wasn't happy. Cris made me feel like I was the only one that could help him and when I couldn't I just felt like.. like... like I had not only failed him but also myself. It wasn't until later that I saw that I wasn't at fault and that I couldn't save Cris. That he had to save himself. That he had to want to." Natalie explained further needing to get it out. She needed to say all this out loud.

John knew that Natalie needed to say this, needed to let it out. It was her way of letting the past go. Of moving beyond all the pain and hurt. He moved to the side of her bed and sat down. Taking her in his arms he pulled her to him and hugged her gently, mindful of her ribs.

Bo felt awful that Natalie had gone thought all this alone. "What made you finally realize that?" Bo questioned softly.

Natalie smiled over John's shoulder and said, "John did. He helped me see that I wasn't to blame. He helped me see Cris for who he really was. I didn't want to see what was right in front of me because that would force me to deal with the fact that Cris didn't really love me." Natalie pulled back from John to look up at him then back to Bo. "John saved me when I did think I deserved to be saved and I love him."

Bo, wanting to bring the conversation to happier things, smiled and said, "yeah I kinda figured you guy's were in love." Looking at John bo asked, "Did you tell her about the job yet?"


	24. Chapter 24

"Job? What job?" Natalie questioned curiously.

"Oh that's my cue to leave isn't it?" Bo said with a smile. He was so relieved that Natalie was ok. She had taken Cris's death extremely well though. That worried him. He hoped she wasn't gonna blame herself for his death.

"Bye Uncle Bo" Natalie said barely looking up from John's face as he left. "So what's this about a job?" Natalie asked.

"Well.." John was about to answer when Michael came back into the room after knocking lightly on the door.

"John, I'm glad you're here." Michael said. "I have the results of your test Natalie."

"Yeah?" Natalie said excitedly. When Michael didn't answer right away Natalie said impatiently, "Well?"

"Tell us what it says Mikey!" John demanded anxiously.

"Congratulations! You're pregnant Natalie!" Michael said happily.

Natalie began to cry happy tears while Michael and John embraced, slapping each other on the back.

"I'm gonna be a father," John said softly as if testing out the words. Then he said it more loudly liking how it sounded. He took Natalie in his arms gently and hugged her. "Thank you!" He whispered in her ear.

Natalie smiled at him through her tears. "You're Welcome." She buried her face in his shoulder and whispered, "Thank you John!"

Michael watched them hug with a smile on his face. He was puzzled when John pulled away from Natalie and went to the door.

"John?" Natalie asked confused. She laughed happily when John pulled open the door and shouted out into the hallway, "I'm gonna be a father!" startling all the people there. Then he came back into the room, walked over to Natalie took her face in his hands, and kissed her softly, gently. When he pulled away there were tears in his eyes.

The Buchanan clan looked up surprised when Natalie's door was wrenched open and John stuck his head out looking more happy then anyone had ever seen him. When he shouted that he was gonna be a father the room erupted in cheers. Slapping each other the Buchanan men were shouting for champagne and cigars.

After more hugging and back slapping between Michael and John Michael got done to business with Natalie. "he is a prescription for prenatal vitamins." He said. "I'm also gonna refer you to Dr. Long. She is the best OB/GYN in Llanview."

"But.." Natalie said glancing at John. "I don't know if we will be staying in Llanview." She wanted to but since John was in the FBI she wasn't sure where they would be next month let alone in 9 when their baby was born.

"What do you mean?" Michael asked, "Now that John is the new Chief of Detectives where else would you be?"

"What?" Natalie questioned, then looking over at John she said, "That's what Uncle Bo was talking about?"

"Yup," John said smiling when he saw that Natalie wasn't mad. He had hoped she would want to stay in Llanview.

"But What about your job with the FBI?" Natalie asked.

"I quit," John said simply then expanded a bit, "They wouldn't help me find you so I quit."

Natalie smiled and hugged him. "I was hoping we could stay in Llanview!" She told him, then looking at Michael, "Now is there anything else I need to know about being pregnant?"

Michael explained everything to them and left the room to give them some privacy. It was nice to see John so happy. Calling their mother he happily told her that she was about to become a grandmother. She had squealed into the phone and asked it if it were him but he said no that it was John who was going to be the father.

Michael smiled remembering her joy when Eve had found out that John was the one going to be daddy. She had been so shocked. Even more shocked when Michael had told her that John quit the FBI and was moving to Llanview with Bo Buchanan's niece. She had about passed out when he had relayed the news that John was happy about the baby and was in love with Natalie. She had told him she wanted to meet this girl that had claimed John's heart.

Natalie was about finished getting dressed. She was reaching her arm into her shirt when She felt a sharp pain in her arm. "OWW" she gasped out involuntarily.

"What?" John asked concerned.

"It's nothing," Natalie said, "Just had a pain in my arm."

"Are you sure, do you want me to get Michael?" John asked quickly.

"John, John! I'm fine!" Natalie stated breaking in as John was just about to run out of the door to get Michael.

John sighed. He knew that he was being over protective but he just couldn't help it. He couldn't stand the thought of Natalie in pain and after the week he had he needed to be reassured that she was ok. "OK but if the pain gets worse I'm gonna go get Michael." He told her.

Natalie was about to reply but there was a knock at the door and Jessica stuck her head in. "Can I come in?" She asked softly.

"Of course Jess!" Natalie said as John said to Jess, "Come on in. I'll go and give you some privacy." Giving Natalie a hard kiss he left the room so the sisters could talk.

Jess came into the room and hugged Natalie. "I'm so glad you're ok. I don't know what I would have done if I lost you Natalie!" Jessica told her.

Natalie smiled at her concern. "Not only am I ok I'm pregnant." Natalie said joyfully.

Jess smiled and said laughing, " I know. I heard John." Hugging Natalie again, "I'm so glad you're back. I missed you so much Nat."

Natalie smiled even more widely before saying, "I missed you too Jess." Looking out the window of her room she asked, "Now where is this Nash you told me about?"

Jessica smiled widely and went to the door. Calling out to someone Natalie couldn't see, she motioned for him to come in the room.

Natalie watched as a tall blond guy came into the room. He was a good looking guy, Natalie thought to herself. Natalie smiled when he took hold of Jessica's hand and looked at her lovingly.

"Natalie this is Nash, Nash this is my twin sister Natalie" Jessica said introducing them. Nash held out his hand to Natalie and they shook hands.

"Nice to meet you." Natalie told him. Thinking that Jessica had found herself a keeper.

Nash was stunned at Natalie's appearance. When Jessica had told him what had happened to her he had been expecting her to look beat up, broken, defeated. But Natalie looked stunning. Even with the bruises she looked vibrant and vital. Her eyes sparkled and her smile was infectious. "Likewise" he said, "Jessica has told me so much about you."

Natalie smiled at him then looked at Jess, "why don't you guys sit down for a few minutes. I have to wait for Michael to bring my release papers." Natalie waved them into the two chairs next the bed she was sitting on. "So how did you guys meet?" Natalie asked and the three talked for a while, getting to know one another.


	25. Chapter 25 Smut

"Did John say why he couldn't pick me up himself?" Natalie asked Nash as he drove her over to the Palace to meet John. She was confused as to why they were going there in the first place. She had been out of the hospital a little over a week and he had said he wanted to celebrate that. Still the palace wasn't quite their scene.

"No, Sorry." Nash said suppressing a smile. He and Natalie got along good. In the past week Nash had come to see her as a sister. Natalie was strong and determined, just like Jessica. He and Jessica had some news that they were just about ready to share. Jessica was pregnant and after tonight they were going to tell everyone. He suspected that Natalie already knew though.

"So when are you and Jess going to tell everyone?" Natalie asked confirming Nash's suspicions.

Nash smiled and said, "When the time is right. Maybe tomorrow if all goes well." Natalie gave a sound of happiness and Nash smiled again to himself.

"I'm gonna be an aunt. This is so cool!" Natalie said as they arrived at the palace. They didn't say much as they went into the Palace. John met them at the inside door.

"Hey," John said kissing Natalie softly on the mouth before taking her arm and following Nash inside the restaurant.

John was dressed in a black suit with a dark blue shirt underneath. He looked so handsome Natalie thought to herself. As they walked into the room Natalie's mouth dropped open. Everyone who knew and cared about her was in the room. John led her into the middle of the room stopped then got down on one knee, taking out a small square box.

"John?" Natalie gasped beginning to smile. She let out a full blown smile when John began to speak.

"Natalie, when you came into my life I was like a robot going through the motions of living. I didn't care about anything but my job. You brought me back to life and brought color into my world. I love you more then I can ever express. When you were missing I felt like someone tore my heart from my chest. I need you in my life more then I need air to breath." John paused, there wasn't a dry eye in the room, then taking a deep breath he said, "Natalie, will you marry me?"

Natalie looked at him stunned then smiling widely she all but shouted, "YES! Of course I will! I love you so much John."

John took out the ring and Natalie caught her breath, it was gorgeous. It was a single ruby in the shape of a heart set on a white gold band. As he slid the ring on her finger Natalie began to cry tears of joy, it fit perfectly. When John jumped up and kissed her passionately The room erupted in cheers. Rex's shouted whooping cheers were the loudest in the room.

John pulled back, "Do you like the ring? I picked a heart because you have mine and the stone because it reminded me of your hair," he said.

"I love it John! It's beautiful. You have my heart too. I love you, I love you so much!" Natalie said softly to him. Hugging him to her tightly, her ribs healing fast and not paining her so much anymore. "Can we leave soon?" She asked suggestively, hoping they could celebrate in private.

John groaned in her ear and whispered back, "God I hope so. It was Jessica's idea to invite everyone here." Kissing her again they prepared themselves to accept the congratulations of their friends and family.

John was surprised when his mother greeted them. "Mom! How did you get here?" he asked happily. He hugged her then turned to Natalie, "Natalie this is my mom Eve McBain, Mom this is Natalie."

Natalie hugged Eve, "It's wonderful to meet you, Mrs. McBain" Natalie said. She had been wanting to met her for a while but John had told her she was on a cruise ship singing. Turning to John she said, "I thought you said your mother was singing on a cruise ship for months?"

"She was!" John defended. "Mom how did you get away? How did you even know I was here?" John asked, then shook his head when Michael smirked at him, "Michael."

"Yes. Your brother called me. He thought I should know that my son was in love. That I was going to be a grandmother. It's not like you said anything." She chided him gently.

"I was gonna tell you, Mom. I have a lot on my mind lately." John said defensively. As they talked Eve liked Natalie more and more. She was just what John needed in his life and she could understand why John loved her.

After an hour or so John and Natalie managed to sneak out of the party. John took her to his room at the Angel Square Hotel. As he let them in he looked around the room with a rueful eye. Casually saying, "We need to find a better place to live. Especially with the baby coming."

Natalie grinned at his casual tone, not fooled for a minute, "Why John McBain, are you asking me to live with you before we are married?" She asked teasingly.

"I guess I am," John answered in his most sexy voice. Coming up behind her he wrapped his arms around her waist and said, "You will be my wife and I want you with me always."

When John said the word 'Wife' she started to cry. "Natalie? What's wrong?" John asked confused over her abrupt change in mood. John picked her up in his arms and carried her over to the bed as she continued to sob. "Natalie?" he questioned again.

Natalie was crying so hard she couldn't answer. She cried for a long time and John simply held her until she was finished. "It just hit me that Cris is gone. That I killed him. That I'm not his wife anymore. That part of my life is over." Natalie said finally. "I mean I knew all of this before but... Tonight I felt it. In my heart."

John nodded in understanding. She had let go of the past. He had been worried about her this last week because she hadn't cried or really shown much emotion one way or the other over Cris's death. Now he understood why. She hadn't really accepted the fact that he was gone. Not in her heart anyway. In her mind she knew but she still hadn't let him go in her heart.

"It's ok baby" he said. "I understand." Holding her close John kissed the top of her head. "Tonight is a new beginning for both of us. We get to start our lives together, right now, tonight." He said smiling into her hair.

Natalie smiled up at him and kissed him. Rubbing herself against him she was pleased when he groaned. "Mmmm" she said against his lips when she felt his erection through his pants. Reaching down she cupped him through the material of his dress pants. " I have been wanting to do this for days." she said to him.

John took his lips from hers and trailed them down the side of her neck, pausing to whisper, "Me too!" in her ear. He nibbled at her earlobe and Natalie moaned at the sensation.

"Oh John," Natalie sighed as his lips settled at the base of her throat and he sucked gently. Natalie moved her hands up and down his chest with restless passion, eliciting a soft groan from John. Throwing her head back as John continued to kiss and lick from her neck to her collar bone Natalie reached for the buttons on his shirt. Unbuttoning them one by one she soon had his shirt off revealing a white undershirt.

John pulled off his undershirt absently his attention on Natalie's shirt which he quickly helped her remove. He looked at her purple and gold bra in approval. Bringing his hands to her breasts he covered them and squeezed them firmly, running his thumbs over her nipples, bringing them to hardened points. Her moan sent a jolt straight to his hard and throbbing cock.

As John pleasured her breasts Natalie ran her hands along his back and into his hair. She loved the feel of his silky hair as it brushed her body. Tightening her hold on his head she drew him down to her aching breasts silently begging him to use his mouth where his hands were. Arching her back she gave him easier access to her, moaning when he took her tight throbbing nipple into his mouth through her bra.

When he reached around to unhook her bra she arched even higher. With her bra gone he brought his hands back to her chest filling them with her naked breasts. When he took her nipple in his mouth and sucked strongly on it Natalie moaned loudly. "John!"

He looked up at her grinning, loving the passion in her voice. Passion for him. Taking his mouth from her breast he trailed his lips to her stomach kissing it tenderly. He was awed but the fact that his child was in there. Their baby. Reaching for her skirt he slid it, along with her underclothes down to ankles grinning as she kicked it off quickly. Reaching for his own pants he removed them as well and soon they were laying naked heated flesh against heated flesh.

Positioning himself above her he reached down with his hand to see if she was ready for him. He moaned low in his throat at how wet she was. Bringing his hand back up and cupping the back of her head he drew her lips to his kissing her deeply as he sank his pulsing cock deep into her ready core.

Natalie moaned loudly as he entered her. Grinding her hips into him she pressed closer, trying to get as close as possible. She let out a surprised gasp when John suddenly rolled over changing their positions so that she was on top. She sat up slowly bracing her hands on either side of his head. Moving her hips up and down on his velvety hardness she began to ride him. Setting a rhythm that had him gripping the sheets beneath him Natalie leaned down and kissed him, sliding her tongue into his mouth.

John brought his hands to her waist and gripped her tightly. He began to help her move,arching his back and driving up into her,quickening the pace until they were straining for their release. Moaning long and loud they both came, together they slipping over the edge into paradise where there was only them and their love.

Breathing heavily and still shaking from their mutual release they came back to earth. Laying in each other's arms the clung together until their breathing slowed and their bodies calmed.

"I love you, John." Natalie said after a little while. They were both almost asleep and John murmured, "I love you too, Natalie." They went to sleep shortly after both eager to begin their life together.

**The End**


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